ImpOssIbLe iS nOt a deClaRatIoN. It'S a dArE

Is it really back?

2005-07-26T22:26:00.000+08:00

It has been that long. I almost forgot the feeling, but i am feeling it again. I don't know if it is really back. I hate to even think of it.

I dont know what to make of my life now. I'm working full time in a job i like, with collegues i like. It seems perfect, almost. I wish i had more than 24 hours a day and more energy to last me longer. Maybe it is really true that you cant have both sides of the coin. It seems everytime i get something i lose something in return. Is it just me not nowing how to manage or is that the way things work?

I have stopped blogging for the longest time because i dont wanna confront my own feelings. Blogging makes me think and write, and for the longest time, i dont even wanna think. I just wanna do what i should and get on with days. I felt like shit today but still went to work, and ended up going home with fever. Then i just laid there and cried in my pillow. It was just shitty. I dont know why i'm feeling it again. I hope it goes away on its own.

2005-06-02T22:54:00.000+08:00

I spent four nights crashing at lala's when we were working for mon. All i could think of was telling my dad, look dad, this is the only time when my biological clock turns topsy turvy and it is not because of clubbing, it is because of work. Now, i'll like to hear what his reply will be. Haha. the four nights tired me out completely. But it's over and i reckon i'll have enough rest soon.

I've started work at Eureka! campaigns. I guess this is the first ever full time job i've had and to tell the truth, i love it. Eureka! deals with events management and if you know me well enough, I've always wanted to dabble in this. Everyone at the office is young and we just clicked. I've got a feeling it's gonna be damn fun working there, cept damn stress too. Now i've got my wish and I'm seriously happy. I spent the first day of work perfecting my intro of the company. It was hell, I've always breezed through my presentations but this is like so different! And they kept telling me to slow down cause they say i speak like i'm rushing for the train. haha. I know i've always had this problem. I walk fast, i speak fast. Second day was spent coming up with a theme for dinner and dance and presenting it. That went like a breeze, they loved my wacky ideas. Haha. I wonder how long i'll last in this job. I'm gonna give my best at this, so wish me luck peeps.

All time low

2005-05-22T21:46:00.000+08:00

Lala was tempting me with pre-accounts of what last night's party would be like, and i was really tempted. Trust me. I chose Siang's bbq over black, because i gave my promise and because there would be people whom i have not seen for a long time now and i do miss them. Turns out i had a really nice time. Sharon and me were initially feeling quite out of place. The touch girls were there and they were a group. A group that knows pretty much everyone else. The main thing is, sharon and me, we never got around to chatting with them, no matter if it were the two years back in school or last night. Not that i don't know them, on the contrary i do and have spoken to a few of them on a few occasions. So we were feeling like a neglected pair. Haha. Then again, if you really do know me, you'll probably have guessed that i dont care pretty much, i entertained myself. Later in the night Steph came and i was feeling quite high. I just miss them, and Siang produced two packets of marshmallows, which never fails to make me smile. I have an insatiable appetite for them. After that we pretty much just sat around talking and i was entertained by david and gang. We just spent the night talking.

I was really looking forward to a great day today, but somehow my mood just went to an all-time low. I just can't believe that popped up in my mind. I have been asking myself since, why am i even thinking of that? The thing is I wasn't the one who wanted to think about it, it just came up on its own. Oh fuck this screwed up shit. My mind works in a shitty manner. I hate it.

I ended up spending the night hanging around mom and aunt. See, i didnt wanna be alone, but i didnt wanna entertain anyone either. The both of them could sense i was down i reckon, they were treating me real nice. I felt a little better, then again, witnessing the effort they put in trying to make me feel happier just made me sad all over again.

I was feeling a mixture of guilt, happiness, warmth and indifference. These were the very people whom i had once held disregard for, the very people whom i have cursed and shouted at. The ones whom i made tear with my rebellious actions. They, are the ones i ultimately turn to still. Then i thought back upon the times when i declared wanting them out of my life, when i declared rendering them non-existant. When i looked at the both of them again, i know that would just never ever happen. A corner of my mind was telling me though, that one of them was my mom and the other my aunt, they should look after me, and i could feel the indifference creeping up on me. It kinda scared me when i realised how different i could be towards them. It is like a 360 degree change, no wonder they couldn't accept it.

I was sad the deal got called off, because if it didn't get called off, you'd have no excuses at all. Now, i am in no position to say anything, and it is ridiculous to be angry over it. I really wish i can call on the deal again, even if it means i had to give up something.

how fuckin stupid could i get?

2005-05-21T02:04:00.000+08:00

Stop laughing you arse-holes. Everyone has the right to get lost though I do admit i get lost one too many times. I was supposed to take 67 and change for service 184 which would bring me home. Instead, i took service 67, got lost and alighted at the freaking farrer highway at Adam Rd. Don't even ask me why i ended up there. Apparently i thought 67 would bring me to SIM so i was waiting for it to appear, until it brought me on the highway did i realise SIM is not gonna appear. So i alighted and because it was a blardy highway, i couldn't cross over and take the service back. I ended up walking out of the highway and the whole time i was just laughing at myself. Just stop grinning there, it's not the end yet. So i called lala to complain that i was lost, but i've no idea why she sounds like she's just waiting for me to call and report that i'm lost. Haha. I walked around based on instinct and it served me well, i found a bus-stop with service 74 which brings me back to clementi. You'd have thought it ends here. No way. I was looking out for my stop, really hard. Somehow though, i missed it and ended up at Dover station. In the end i took the Mrt and walked home. It was all funny to me until I ended up at Dover station. Then, i felt like a loser. How can anyone miss her stop so many times in a row??

I was supposed to go to work but i ended up at lala's shack. Its been a long time since i chilled there. It was a friday night and everyone was surprised to see her home. Plus, i was there in the afternoon. I reckon they must have all thought we'll be going out after dinner. Haha. Hell, NO! I made her a good girl today, there was no way she'll go down to black. My ploy?? I had the assistance of durians. *grins* We brought durians from Ntuc and for the first time, i was eating durians with that gorilla and my fellow monkeys. It just feels so good to drape myself all over her place. This sunday silly arse, you'd better pack your room.

Scold the right people

2005-05-16T10:54:00.000+08:00

I'm getting sick of answering the same questions over and over again. They make it seem like i don't give a fuck about my results. Hello! These are my results we're talking about and of course i'm concerned, but what the hell can i do about it when no one has received it yet?? Blame it on MDIS for taking so long, not me. I think they expect me to call and haunt them for my results everyday. Seriously though, i got news that the results for my Grad Proj will come only next year and i'm not pleased at all. For a money- earning private institute, the level of efficiency sucks, not to mention the coordinators all have a fuck care attitude after u pay up. SO, without my full results, i can't even attempt to enrol with SIM for sept's intake. I'm crossing fingers that the results will come latest by june, else i'll really call to haunt.

I think i've got a problem translating the thoughts in my head to words in speech when someone's talking to me about serious matters, or when having a heart to heart conversation. When face-to face, i realise I'll nod my head alot and say "ok" or "i know" alot. When on the phone, I'll just keep blardy quiet. This only happens when i'm not the one to initiate the talk. See, it's not that i'm unwilling to talk, but i guess i need time to digest what you're telling me in the first place. And then, i need time to find the right words and tone to convey my thoughts, because i'm so afraid saying i'll say the wrong stuff. I'm not sure if it's just because he knows me too well, or because he can sense that i'm struggling to give a response, but for the first time, i felt comfortable 'talking'. Also, we got a result that went two-way, instead of the usual one-way only. This is new, but i kinda like it.

I got a call yesterday afternoon, one that expected me to give sympathy for going thru shit in the NS. I ended up giving him more shit. i was insensitive and he complained about my apathy. I told him it was expected and it's the army for goodness! All guys should have went in prepared with the kinda stories they hear beforehand. So, whining about it may help, but i'm sorry you caught me at a wrong time, when i was fucking busy in the shop. Forgive me for brushing you off, but you've gotta stand this shit for two years, and this is reality. Cold and aloof.

Mine browser has a fucken problem with chinese

2005-05-12T23:58:00.000+08:00

Mine goggle is in chinese. Mine blogger is in chinese. Mine yahoo is in chinese. What's the fucken problem with my browser!? Or does it think I really need to improve my mother tongue? Thanks man, because I'm getting irritated big time. Any one has any idea how to fix the problem? It's a recurring problem because no matter how many times i changed it back to the english version, it goes back to being cheena the next time round. Please do lend a helping hand.

Me and lala barely stepped into the VIP area last night when she pulled me to a corner and sat me down. I was kinda shocked because she never does that to me, normally it's the other way round. She chose such a sweet place to talk sense into me. *grins* It helped though, else i'd be in tears if not for consideration we were in chinablack with music blasting away and we were there to have fun. I was really very touched, she's still the one who knows me best. I love you my dear.

The day started out bad initially. It was the first time i showed my unhappiness blatantly, despite him having already shown his. I just couldn't be bothered to cajole him. Until the phonecall came, i still thought i wasn't in the least bit wrong. Until i found out the reasons behind the show of displeasure. I'm sorry, but give me time. I'm really glad it happened though, not that i'm pervertic, but it got us closer.

The day had a grand finale i reckon. For the both of us, or should i say, three of us. We all got what we wanted, and i went to bed feeling all sweet. I hope the both of them did too. =D

Life is nothing but reality

2005-05-11T00:37:00.000+08:00

I used to listen to Que Sara Sara when i was a kid, alot - because my mom plays it so very often. Each time i hear it, I'll really ponder about the questions. To myself, not to mom though, probably because she'll tell me " what'll be, will be ". Trust me, I'm totally against that phrase.

I'd probably have gone through like 2 phases of life? One phase when i stepped into secondary and another when i stepped into college, and in these twenty years, I've probably changed as many times as a snake will shed its skin in a lifetime, and probably made about twice as many decisions. Just about a month ago i was whining about not wanting to grow up and step into the society. In fact, i was unsure because it was yet another time in life to make a decision, one that'll affect me on a large scale, it's not just decising what to have for lunch. It suddenly striked me then, that what makes it so difficult to make a decision is that we have to bear the consequences thereafter. It is not the decision making that scares us but what happens after because we have no way of knowing what will happen if we took this path or what will happen if we took another path. I thought back to the time when i decided to enter college and forsake poly. I did mention that that decision is in my lifetime till now, the most regretted upon decision. As much as i regret, there is no knowing if I'll even be able to graduate successfully with a diploma in mass communications had i chosen poly instead of college back then. Right now, I'm equipped with an advanced diploma in mass comms.

i digress. See, my point is, no matter what decision is being made, it is not the end really, as long as you know what you want. You dont have to know now, but when you do know what you want and intend to stick with it, work for it. You can't turn time back and you can't pretend nothing has happened if you made a mess of thing, but you can start again. Only you can give yourself the assurance you need to make that decision, because you are the one who decides the break or make of that decision.

And i hope i helped a little.

I've lost count of the number of good things that has happened to me thus far. Not because there were too many, because it was just the exact opposite. I was just thinking hard, about the last time i felt really really happy and ecstatic. Nothing came to mind, serious. After like 5 mins, the only image that came to mind were the post starhub days with qian and debb. Then came images of lala's birthday and initial threesome plus one days, all of which happened last year. This kinda sounds really pathetic, even to myself, though i kinda like it. These days, everything is just so nice and sweet. Meeting lala just for lunch, accompanying her just cause she wouldnt be alone, taking time out to meet mom in town for dinner on a last min basis, talking to my aunt till we fall asleep. All of which I didnt think will happen barely a few months ago. This is where contradiction comes in, because much as i like how sweet and nice things are now, the constant bit of boredom nagging at the back of my brain irks me. I need something that'll excite me again.

Someone has complained about having to use a magnifying glass to read my words. So, for the benefit of that person, I shall enlarge the font. =D

Please know I love you guys.

2005-05-03T23:56:00.000+08:00

It was supposed to be early mother's day celebration and this time round, we had two mothers around. Dad was quite anxious bout it, if i'm not wrong, ever since daddy and mommy got married, he's got no chance to celebrate the special day with moi grandma. So i guess it was really important to him. To me, it didnt feel like mother's day at all, but i was equally happy cause it's been a long time we went out for dinner together. Purposely not cook just to go out for dinner and not conveniently go out for dinner nearby just because we didnt cook, it makes a difference. Dinner wasn't fantastic considering the amount paid, we chocked up a bill of 350+ for 6 people.

Maybe it is the only time they feel it's easy to communicate with me cause i'll not wanna quarrel with them to spoil the day. I realised whenever we go out as a family, they will try to make use of the chance to talk 'sense' into me. I do admit that it is really alot easier, i'll be very passive and i'll be very patient, but it is because there's a difference in their attitudes too! They are so much more polite and so much more friendly and reasonable. I remember i was just holding on to mommy's hand the whole time like a little girl. I felt like she was really my mommy and not some radio shooting off again, cause we really talked.

They told me they really regret being so strict with us. They regret not allowing us bring our friends up to chill at home, just cause they know we'll make a mess. They regret not knowing our friends cause now even if we told them, they wouldn't know who we're referring to. I was close to tears when they told me that. Deep down inside, although i've complaints about them being so strict and all, i have to admit that without those, i might have been a waste already. Realising that they feel inferior as compared to other parents hurt me so much. Did i really give them the impression that i wished i had other people's parents as my own?? I never did, mom and dad. I love you two like no other and even when i shout back at you or curse you behind your backs, i still love you. I will never want to trade you for other parents. I so wanted to tell them that, but maybe it's the culture, i couldnt bring myself to say it. All i said was, ' I'm not jealous other people have different kinds of parents' and i hugged moi mommy. I hope she knows just how much i love her, and daddy too. Seriously when i think back of the times i actually shouted back i wished i kicked myself in the face. I'll never ever again take them for granted, what they say is so true really. I cant always expect them to change to suit my way of doing things. If i really understood them, I'll know how to deal with them, they just want full assurance from me, but half the time i just said ' aiyahh... I'm not stupid'. I'm not sure if i've come to my senses or it just suddenly hit me, I just dont wanna be at my parent's deathbed thinking 'I'm sorry i took you for granted, pls dont die cause there're so many things i havent done for you'.

Everything i thought wouldnt happen to me is happening to me now, good things that is. It's almost close to perfection. Like lala said, I've never been happier, and this statement couldnt be more true. I don't reckon anyone will be able to make me laugh like that. I'm in bliss, and i have every reason to be.

Denial or Not?? U decide..

2005-04-20T23:47:00.000+08:00

It's easy to get me pissed, just tell me to fuck off and mean it. I'm not a petty person really and I've forgiven you already, but pardon me because i really don't feel like talking to you as yet. Truthfully, I may not know shit bout all that has happened, and that may have made it wrong for me to voice comments or opinions. However, i really feel that it is time to put down whatever issues and move on. People get tired trying to get u to do it, especially when to them, you seem to be contradicting yourself over and over again. Like you said, somethings i say are hard to swallow, or maybe everything i say is hard to swallow. Those are part of reality, and you've to face it, else you'll never start living. I'm probably the only one to say such awful things straight to your face, but i feel the time for consoles is really over. I happen to be reading la's previous entries and i chanced upon something which i think you should use on yourself, since it was words of wisdom from you.

" You're telling yourself it's diff"
" and you're running away from it"
"that's why you're so hurt girl"
"lala.. you've got to face the truth"
" the truth will just hate you more"

quote ed (the above quoted from lala's blog)

have you ever thought about just how much do you know about that person you call best friend? I mean, everyone has their own privacy and very often, you and your bestest mates live seperate lives. Even when you do live together, say siblings. How much do you know bout your sibling then? How much you know of a person, is really just how much that person would like you to now bout him/her. I realised that there are certain people around me whom I'm really not sure about. I seem to think I know them, but are they really just strangers?

Fear and Life

2005-04-19T18:16:00.000+08:00

So as expected, we're gonna have two blardy casinos or integrated resorts as our preppy government would like to call it. I'm kinda in the grey area for this matter. I dont look forward to having gambling dens (that's what they're called no matter how much denial you're in) in the country. On the other hand, I'd very much like to sit at the sidelines and see how our dear old men from PAP will deal with the progress of this new development and the likely increase in probably prostitution and money-lending. I sat in front of the tv from 12 pm, tuned in to ChannelNewsAsia and I'd like to say Diana Ser is absolutely charming, complete with utmost respect for her. If u wanna know why, just see her on Tv, from hosting to havin normal conversations, to interacting in perfect chinese, cantonese, hokkien, and of course english, and then see her switch from hosting to news anchor.

I wouldn't exactly know how to describe the feelings in me the past week or so, but someone helped me with that last night on MSN.

Me: Heys
Her: yea.. results rite??
Me: i got a fucken C for advert.
Her: A for PR, C for Ad
Me: same.. gheeka just sucks.
Her: be glad she passed us
Me: silent agreement.
Me: so how's life??
Her: stopped writing, no one's hiring me for anything these days.
Me: why'd u stop writing??
Her: it was contract based wat.
Her: life's fucking bleak ain't it?? urs changed much since we met?
Me: bleak is the word.. nope.. its still in denial period.
Her: I get what u mean now.. its a fuckin vicious cycle..
Me: I dont wanna be doing anything but i just want outta the house.
Her: YEAH.
Her: It's like they expect you to have an answer for whatever question they ask. you have to know what you want and your plans.
Her: take some petty cash from them and u have to sell yourself to them.. soul and body..
Her: and its always bout the money issue.. which is getting on my nerves..
Me: you're slow.. its already gotten on mine.. haha..

and it continued to be a great bitching and whining session. I've gotten my results and cept for the C which I don't really like, I'm otherwise pretty much satisfied since the lady who gave me that C is a renowned Bitch who praises your work till ninth heaven and Fail you on your grade slip.

I'm beginning to come to terms with myself. Or maybe it is the boredom that is really getting to me. I now miss having to meet datelines and getting screwed by stress. I'm always this pervertic. Haha.

I was sitting at the kitchen table flipping through Cleo when my auntie came over and heaved a sigh. Before i could say anything, she sat down and and told me how she wished she were me, then she could slack. Hahaha. I'd really like to tell her, i dont really enjoy slacking this much. Anyway, the main thing is, she asked me a question:
" Money cannot motivate you one hor?"
i was stunned, but it's pretty much true. Money cant motivate me. I'm idealistic, I'd rather do something i like and get paid peanuts than get paid tonnes and be doing something i dont like. How many of you out there are on the same wavelength? I've known of so many people who just settle for whatever they can get out of society, be it the courses they study, or the jobs they have. They just take it, even if its against their interest, reason being it's the only thing they could be eligible for. I've been told many times that the society is realistic and we live in a real world. I totally understand, its a fucken ugly world we live in and human beings, are pragmatic by nature and sometimes to survive, we dont really have a choice. Personally, i feel its fear that stops us from making a choice. The fear of unacceptance, the fear of failure. We just really wanna be normal people leading the lives we're supposed to like everybody else. So, i realised i'm stagnant in life, refusing to make a decision cause of fear. I daren't take that step into a new stage and embark on a new life.

A concept portrayed in George Orwell's 1984 shows how people in power or people who want power use fear to control the majority. Fuck their minds. Keep them preoccupied with the all that fear of everything and they'll be at your fingertips. How do you control sheep? Use a sheepdog. Fear, ladies and gentlemen. The wielder of fear wields power. Right now, I'm trying to be a wielder of fear, instead of fearing fear itself.

2005-04-07T21:40:00.000+08:00

so grandma came over from m'sia and since then, the past week has been an epitome of a housewife week. I've been so fucken obedient i sometimes smile and shake my head. I didnt know i was capable of such obedience to someone who constantly puts her machine on play so i get to face endless music. I amazed myself and the whole family. Mom and dad's greatest wish now must be to have her stay for long. I enjoy her company but I don't exactly agree with how the past week's been spent.

I haven been out since blackout last wed and I've been alternating between bed and couch since then. Supposedly comeback event, i was fucken disappointed that day. Cept for the fact that i met a cute dancing companion, there was practically nothing to be joyful about. After having laid off the clubs for so long, i was expecting some highly intoxicated night, but it was not to be. It just makes me realise how much the people ard u can affect u. Like all things else, no shit matters an ounce,it all boils down to the people you are with. No wonder when you're down, the last thing to do is to be alone. I hope the days of fun will be back.

There were actually plans to get our asses outta town for awhile. The original plan was to get high on life with a whole group of peeps. I was really looking forward to it. I was estatic since Dad agreed to the trip without me having to ask more than once, much less beg. So i really intended to give myself a great time, but the number of people have since dwindled down to a pathetic 4. I'm sorry but it really just kills my joy and dampens my spirit. So i guess trip out will be postpone to a later time and a much more exciting place eh? There's still my chalet at 69A to look forward to though. That'll be the silver lining, booze and cheezels on the rooftop.

These days it seems every other thing i'm looking forward to disappoints me in the end. It's like what bitch Ed says, ' The greater the expectation, the greater the disappoinment.' The best moments in life often happen when you least expect it, but when they come, you're never prepared for them. I guess that's when we learn to cherish. These days boredom take on a new meaning. Stayin at home, activities are limited but i was never bored to tears since i had the com for company. But even the com fails to entertain me now. The idea of going out just puts me off, dressing up is a tedious task. Not to mention the lack of incentives and aimless wanderings on the streets. There's just no where new to go, nothing new to do. The idea of aimless hoppin between shops in malls makes me irritated, and the procedure of coming up with a fucken plan that only needs to sound interesting rips me of all enthusiasm. Someone please come up with new activities and places to go to. One day i'll really resort to crowd-watching, just to seek out what people are doing these days.

2005-03-29T18:36:00.000+08:00

got to sch at 945 when presentation is supposed to be at 930..
i haven been punctual for ages..
gheeka got so annoyed it was written all over her face..
apparently as always.. MDIS culture doesnt die..
everyone was late...
but it was smooth..
i felt so damn relieved when the presentation is over...
its e last day of sch...
everyone was in the doldrums..
it's fuckin ironic.,..
end of school is something we've always been lookin forward to...
but now that we're facin it...
together with e end of school..
comes the decision of the future..
so there we were...sittin at starbucks..
lamenting bout the state we're in n our future or lack thereof...
crowd watching.. for a whole 3 hours..

spongie is worth onli 3.50 of the 6.50 i paid...
darn.. even the ones i watch on tv is nicer!!
what's wrong with animators these days..
and i was lookin for a god damn good laugh..
lala was beside me wishin e show will end earlier..
so she wouldnt hafta control her pee..
hahaha..

retail therapy didnt work as much as i would have liked it to..
or mabbe i spend enough for fear of gettin slaughtered bringin bags home...
i'm tryin very hard to live the life i had before...
but u kinda appear everywhere...
i'm tellin myself i made the right decision...
but every other thing in my heart tells me i might be wrong...

it's time to haf fun ...
i'm gonna play hard....

2005-03-27T00:11:00.001+08:00

last night was the first in years...
i actually sobbed..
i lost control totally...
mine first reaction after i hung up was to dial lala..
she listened to me sob uncontrollably for a good 10 mins??
mabbe longer??
thanks darling.. it was all i needed..

e emotions stirred in me were not imaginable..
i was literally on a roller coaster..
each and every word brought me to another stage...
if i had to meet u..
i swear i'll just break down in front of u again...
i'm not gonna let tt happen...
so i think things shud really settle down first..

you couldnt give me the hug... nor wipe away my tears..
but i know u'd have been right here beside me if u could..
and i know no matter how far apart we are..
i can always count on ur support..
the same way u can always count on mine..
thanks for spending the day...
u kept my mind off things..
though he's always sitting in that corner of my mind...
to my twin: I love u... thanks for everything..

2005-03-27T00:11:00.000+08:00

2005-03-25T20:37:00.000+08:00

the impending moment is over....
if u ask me why....
i cant give u a definite ans...
gritty stuff lead me to this conclusion...
it was a cycle all over again..
rem the first time this happened?? now is happening again..
for the same reasons...
85% of the time i zone in n out of concentration when u tell me stuffs...
i dun rem them at all..
u tell me ya dailies..
i felt they were not important...
i wanted to know u ...
not ya daily life...
i appreciated ya care n concern..
but it made me feel stifled..
i couldnt deal with ur emotional ups and downs..
caz it affected me to an extent u weren't aware..
and i hate the way i get affected...
it made me not look forward to seeing u..
caz i wasn't aware what to expect...
every time u ask " so when's e next time we meet up"
i feel pressure... it came on its own..
n i felt a need to escape..
no one is in the wrong dear...
i didnt tell u any of these before...
bcaz to me.. all these constitues u..
they aren't bad habits u can change...
they make up the kinda guy you are...
on one hand i feel loved with you..
on the other... i feel like i'm bringing myself extra stress..
if i had told u any of these... you might haf changed..
but den to me..... i'm not loving u anymore..
i'm changing u to be the man i wanna love...
and i felt it was unfair.. it shouldnt be the way..
overtime the cycle will just happen again and again..
dont you think so??
u once told me...
if i cant love u... let u know earlier.. dont waste ya time..
so i shant waste ya time anymore...

it was fast...
status changed...
pics removed...
testimonials deleted..
in a flash...
it suddenly felt so real den...
i'm not gonna be able to smell u..
not gonna be in ur arms..
not gonna be able to look in ur eyes and see the love...
it hurt.. i know it hurt u too..
it felt sad to know u changed everything immediately...
and i know it was a decision i made...
i couldnt bear it...
but i really made it for our good..
people change with time u say...
i hope in future when we're both right for each other..
our paths'll cross again....

2005-03-24T09:47:00.000+08:00

yest was one of the rare days my aunt n me had a heart to heart talk..
normlly its me listening to her...
or her listening to me...
but i guess i looked like i was thinking alot ..
and she looks kinda stressed too...
so we sat over the counter top.. and chatted over tea..
3 hours...
we drank 4 cups of tea...
she gave me an answer...
she helped me to understand the situation...
she told me her experiences...
and i realised we're really too similar...
i felt tonnes better after listening to her... talking to her..
somehow i think my mind's made up...
i texted my babe...
she made me feel even better...
and for the first night in the past 5...
i slpt without staring at the ceiling for hours...
which may explain y i'm up so earlie today..
i dread the impending moment..

i lurve the new skin...
hahaha... the words especially..
she just knows what i'll like...
tt's y i love you babe!!

2005-03-22T15:18:00.000+08:00

Application : UNSUCCESSFUL

i was at a lost when i saw those words...
imagine how he'd haf felt if he saw those words??
i dont even wanna know my mom's reaction...
this is tiring.. i foresee some door slammings and accusations..
but i cant do nothing to stop it...
wat's wrong with this world anyway??
i dun wanna live by the rules of meritocracy..
god.. shed light n let him see another path pls..

i feel like i've screwed yet another relationship..
if i'd cared enough... if i'd bothered enough..
none of this'd haf happened...
it hit me tt even when i do care.. i do bother..
i dont care or bother enough...
its bcaz i dont love him half as much as he loves me..
mabbe only half as much...
how do we go on with all e cracks i've caused??
and it sucks more when he's puttin in more effort even when i'm behaving like a brat..
if i still dunnoe what i want...
what am i to do?

2005-03-21T17:02:00.000+08:00

u can prob tell my blog is under construction..
so bear with it as e owner is damn lazy to do anything and thus her sidekick is kind enuff to do it...
hehehehe... thanks lala..

been in a dilemma these few days..
i've suddenly shrunk away...
e more effort i wanna put into it..
the more i seem to wanna run from it...
miss him.. yet dun wanna see him..
cute.. i've got a screwed up mind..
presentation next mon...
after tt i'll really be free as a bird.. woo hooo..
n i'll go party...
i think i really need some financial planner..
else i'll be like those old granies who pick used cans as a living...
damn.. can just imagine so..
i spend like money falls from the sky..
without batting a lid..
its even more interesting when i know i shouldnt do it.. but i just cant control..
its either i need ta haf some 5 figure salary..
or i need ta have a freakin rich hubby so i can be a tai tai..
hahaha..

2005-03-19T19:38:00.000+08:00

it's amazing how one can feel down when nothing's gone wrong...
i get tt feeling at least once a month..
when i want to have nothing to do with anyone..
i just want time alone to myself...
yest lala says male or female.. it is programmed in our system..
we go crazy once a month..
mabbe tt's my way of going crazy...

i dont like to involve others in my moods unless its a happy thing..
i mostly keep to myself..
and i deal with emotions on my own...
the people i'll turn to when i really need release are those who've been close to my heart for years now..
i'm aware that u know i dont mean it when i say " it's nothing"
but if u ask... and i said tt..
it just means i wanna leave it at tt.. i dun wanna tok about it...
mine world is not tt penetratable...

i feel relieved now tt she can let her hair down..
stress-free days ...

i really wanna believe in him...
i really wanna put myself into it..
but how to when i dun believe he's the one and only one??
maybe i dont understand enough of him..
of the whole thing actually...
but it seems rude to ask those who know...
caz to them.. they believe ..
do u get brainwashed??
is it what it is all about??
these days i seem to have difficulty penning thoughts...
in fact.. i really dunnoe what runs through my mind daily..
they all go as fast as they come..
all fragmented..
i dont know if it's this phase of life tt's getting to me...
this kinda suck really..

2005-03-12T10:38:00.000+08:00

I swear seriously.. never to treat grad projs lightly again..
i'm just fuckin glad its all over..
yest must have been the worst day in ages..
i got scared shitless...
i never knew i would be so affected by stress...
it was an experience of a lifetime.. and i hope it shall only happen once...
i dont know what the hell happened...
maybe it was the stress...
maybe the amount of coffee i drank in the day...
maybe the lack of food too..
or all the pent up frustrations...
i puked twice and totally couldnt focus..
i didnt slp a wink..
the shivers and shakings were uncontrollable..
but there was no one to turn to...
i messaged my source of comfort...
but my hands shook so much it was just freaky...
i missed my aunt so much...
i so wanted someone to be beside me...
i finally broke down and cried till i calmed down...
it helped..

that was a lesson well learnt...
i'm just glad i got my work done and everything's alright now..

2005-03-08T13:04:00.000+08:00

seems like everyone around me is indulging in e trend...
getting depressed and having fucked up life's e thing now..
it's really sad..
to know how pple around u ...
pple whom u love n care about forsake themselves..
but sometimes.. it's really beyond control..
let's all get reborn and get our lives back on track..
this time for real.. no more shit.. no more nonsense..
its time for us.. to get right back on track......
kudos my friends.. we can do it..

recording was last night...
darn the foot in my mouth..
i could hear my knees knockin each other in tt studio..
hope i dont sound like some nervous freak with a strangled voice..
i'll just kill myself..
haha.. but i guess everything went on quite smooth..
i'll hear it today..
*fingers crossed*

moving house is no fun...
e packing is killing me.. e moving has killed me..
i never realised there was so much rubbish at home man..
its crazy...
mine stuff are more messy den ever...
fuckin hell all over e place...
it's making me short on my temper...

how does it feel like to u huh??
yest i was just thinking when u fell aslp n i was supposed to call...
it feels to me like we've been together so long..
i dont feel guilty or uneasy not callin u...
its pass e stage where it's like a responsibility...
like i have to do it else something bad will happen..
else there'll be quarrels or stuff..
its now restrainin myself to call just to hear ya voice..
caz i know u're aslp...
i like it...
even though i miss u hell loads..
i like e feeling tt it's not like something i'm obliged to do...

today's last day at radio academy....
i'm kinda sad... time's too short..
it was like yest when i went for e class...
good things end fast rite??
gonna get flicker happy later ons..
for memory's sake....

2005-03-06T02:24:00.000+08:00

the day has been totally crazy man...
woke up earlie in the morn..
just to acc this stupid girl to cut her hair...
oh ok.. i trimmed my brows too..
by the time we were both done..
it was like 2PM already..
no time!!!!!
we rushed back on cab... to laze at her shack..
muahahahaz....
sigh... cab fares kill..

today.. all of us were dressed up to the nines..
even mon was wearing full make-up..
she looked nice!!
for once her eyes were bigger n she doesnt look like she's slping.. lol..
not to forget the 4 inch heels we were all in..
food was so-so... wasnt worth the 60 bucks at all...
the dinner n dance was at grand copthorne by the way...
but the fun we had made up for whatever lack in culinary skills...
i really must say this...
lala has really entertainin classmates...
they made me laugh like mad.. was hilarious...
they're cute boy...

we were supposed to catch a movie..
but we decided we were gettin too many stares for our own good...
so we went home... in search of self entertainment..
we satisfied ourselves with a box of whistling sparklers...
wEee... hope we didnt get any neighbours up n cursin..
hahahahahaz...

to me... nothing's changed really..
not for e worst definitely..
it's just a busy period..
you know i miss u every time i'm not with u ..
just bear with me a lil while more hunny...
i promise things'll get better after my submission..

silly bitch.. i hope e latest blog entry over there didn't upset u...
next time i buy chocs.. i'll but those with hazelnuts..
they taste better really...
and we'll just eat them up...
*grins*
sometimes u can be there 24/7 for someone...
but when u've tried everything u could..
and tt head is still not penetratable...
all u can do is just let ur presence be felt...
been there.. done that...
e person in suspect needs to really come to his own senses...
so my dear... just dont let it affect u too much...
*hugS*

i'm really really tired...
i shud go slp....
its been a freakin great day.. but a long n tiring one too...

2005-03-04T23:54:00.000+08:00

first trip to m'sia with lala...
we ate... shopped... ate... ate... and ate again..
hahaha.. got ourselves freaking filled..
got flicker happy...
was fun...
den crashed at 69A again..
it was car - wash night..
tt was my virgin attempt in washing a car..
i lost it to ya mom's car...
sobs.. *muahahahaz*
and no thanks to my stubborness...
i got a whole freaking container of wax powder drop on me!!
i almost choked on it.. gRrr..

blog entries are supposed to reflect true feelings rite??
if so... den u must haf been feeling down...
but i heard none of it from u ...
and u were normal when we're together....
is it me being too insensitive that i couldnt pick it up??
i'm not there only for happy times u noe...

i really feel like i'm neglecting my boy..
but he's been great...
thanks hunny.. for being so understanding bout it..
for giving me e freedom and space i need..
just a week more.. n after that.. i'll be yours..
*winkx*

life's really great at da moment..
cept for all da movin.. packin.. datelines..
ok .. it doesnt sound tt perfect now..
hahaha..
but i'm lovin it..

2005-03-03T15:59:00.000+08:00

yest i was told...

i talk different now..

hands up in agreement anyone??

it seems more than one thinks i've become different again..

beats me..

to me.. ain't no difference there..

started work goin till 5 plus..

bloody hell slpt till 2 before i woke up...

supposed to go give out flyers..

i bailed out..

sorrie my dear mates..

* sheepish grin*

i know i'll be forgiven eh?? *hugs*

have u thought of y u existed in this place called earth as a human being??

what is ya calling in life??

what's e mission u're supposed to complete??

they say there's fate..

they say everything is predestined..

if so... are we here just act e role and bring life to e script??

i've learnt...

to take criticisms with salt... maybe a lil pepper..

it makes life all e more tastier..

2005-03-02T14:28:00.000+08:00

Dear Mommy,

I am in Heaven now...I so wanted to be your little girl.

I don't quite understand what has happened.

I was so excited when I began realizing my existance.

I was in a dark, yet comfortable place.

I saw I had fingers and toes.

I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surroundings.

I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping.

Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between you and me.

Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you.

Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry.

I heard Daddy yelling back.

I was sad, and hoped you would be better soon.

I wondered why you cried so much.

One day you cried almost all of the day.

I hurt for you.

I couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy.

That same day, the most horrible thing happened.

A very mean Monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was in.

I was so scared,

I began screaming,

but you never once tried to help me.

Maybe you never heard me.

The monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming,

"Mommy,Mommy, help me please! Mommy, help me."

Complete terror is all I felt.

I screamed and screamed until I thought I couldn't anymore.

Then the monster started ripping my arms off.

It hurt so bad; the pain i can never explain.

It didn't stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop.

I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off.

Though I was in such complete pain, I was dying.

I knew I would never see your face or hear you say how much you love me.

I wanted to make all your tears go away.

I had so many plans to make you happy.

Now I couldn't, all my dreams were shattered.

Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heartbreaking, above all.

I wanted more than anything to be your daughter.

No use now, for I was dying a painful death.

I could only imagine the terrible things that theyhad done to you.

I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I didn't know the words you could understand.

And soon, I no longer had the breath to say them;

I was dead.

I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place.

I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone.

The angel took me away to a wonderful place. ThenI was happy.

I asked the angel what was the thing that killed me.

He answered, "Abortion. I am sorry, for I know how it feels."

I don't know what abortion is, I guess that's the name of the monster.

I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl.

I tried very hard to live. I wanted to live.

I had the will, but I couldn't; the monster was too powerful.

It sucked my arms and legs off and finally got all of me.

It was impossible to live.

I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you.

I didn'twant to die.

Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster.

Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did.

Please be careful.

Love,Your Baby Girl

This Is Dedicated To The Memory Of All The Aborted Babies Throughout The World.

when i read this.... it just tugged at e strings inside me..
if u aren't moved by this.. u dont have a heart seriously...
so please.. practice safe sex

radio academy rocks... bigtime..
in e next few days u'll hear nothing but praises for it from me..
it's seriously been ages since i last had so much fun with a whole big group of people..
i wouldnt mind if class ended at 12 every night..
that's me when i like something i'm doing..

exactly ten days to submission..
gotten no shit out..
no joke.. feelin e heat..
sHhhh... dont nag..
just gentle reminders will do...

i was told my patience seems to be wearin thin these days..
-nods- silent agreement there...
i do wonder why..
maybe its me too preoccupied in myself..
maybe its me having had enough of my procrastination so much so i'm fed-up with myself..

i understand now.. why there's cause for worry..
it's simply caz i'm the kinda girl i'm..
i was surprised things came to light at this juncture..
it has made me re-think my assumptions in the past...

2005-03-01T11:04:00.000+08:00

first things first...
here's e biggest smothering hug on earth given to lala...
tt's to make up for e precious hours lost zonkin on e bed tryin to get tt thing up..
u rule.. hehs..

yest was tonnes of fun..
first it was 69A...
den it was W5A...
den it was arab street..
den it was pandan gardens..
den e radio academy at caldecott...
fruitful i'd say..
it's owas fun poppin moi head over at 69A anyways...
n radio academy was 500 big bucks well spent...
was freakin fun.. n i met lotsa new people..
not a single ounce of regret there..

e peeps got their O's..
so u surprised everyone by not failing..
n u went over the moon on cloud nine..
some big fuck results u've got.. it lands u nowhere..
heLlo... wake up please.. a B4 alone doesnt make u god or top scholar..
so snap to ur senses n try to see where u'll be accepted..
don't come the depression act again when u cant be bothered now..
its passe the next time round... i can so feel a sense of de javu comin up...

kosta: well done.. *smiles* u deserve a hug.. *huGX*
i've got quite a clever boyfriend afterall.. muahahahaz...

i'm sorry i can't multi-focus..
it's bad enough having to multi-task when i cant fucking concentrate or focus on ONE thing...
new stuffs get me excited and when my mind's preoccupied with something else...
i shrug all others aside...
i'm sorry if i've neglected anyone...
it'll pass.. i'm trying to get my focus going here..
stop askin me what's my next step..
when i dun decide in advance at all..
u'll know when i come to decide..
just bear with me...
i know i've got a bunch of things on hand i am supposed to do..
but it's just so like me to leave all things to the very last hour..

so i was blog hoppin as usual...

It's not about looking cool and stylish anymore, it's about being normal but getting that special someone to love you

i got tt somewhere... it certainly made me read e sentence thrice..
how true it is...
the transitions in life we all go through...
e different stages and different images...
e ridicule we put ourselves through to 'find' ourselves..
what exactly is all that shit??
mabbe someone influenced me too..
all along i feel it's damn fucking dumb to come up with e equation..
maturity = no more baggies.. no more oversized tees.. no more this no more that..
i just couldnt bring myself to nod and agree with it..
it seemed like bullocks..
in my dic.. it just means maturity = being responsible for urself
but i guess tt's not e way it's meant to be..
it seems being responsible aint enough..
you've gotta play e whole package..
dress e part..act e part.. walk e part..
i wasnt and still am not ready to give up all this shit..
i dun wanna be grown-up yet..
y cant u be mature and not fore-go whatever stuffs it is u are not willing to let go??
i reckon i've got e ans..
bcaz in this society we live in.. we're judged for everything..
e surface is as deep as anyone on e street will go..
and it's based on that they judge.. e surface..
hell..even before judgement day... there's a series of trial!!
whatever happened to the trials on earth??
i reckon there'll be a day when i'll have no choice but to put all these behind me..
when i'll have to be mature as expected..
den they'll go down as history in my life...
and then lala.. we'll look back together and reminisce when we're in our rocking chairs...

2005-02-27T21:29:00.000+08:00

you know the zombie state one slips into when da mind is preoccupied??
i've just witnessed it...
its a mixture of fear.. anxiety.. and helplessness..
i can sense it..
i'm sorry i can't help..
this may be cruel.. but u've got yaself to blame really...
however.. i'll always be there for u ...
i really hope this will be a lesson well learnt for u ...
the next few couple of hours will definitely feel like eternity...
just pray hard...

i've finally gotten my paycheck from the tele-marketing job..
i've stopped working since last yr..
was before dec i stopped workin there...
and it took them so bloody long to send me e cheque....
i had to keep calling and calling at that...
simply irritating...
i'm never gonna work there again...
lala.. lucky u didnt get e job ....
its onli fuckin 300 bucks...
its so irresponsible of them...
i'm only a student for god's sake...
but at least i got it...
lala.... shoppin time!!!!
*beams*

i'll remember constatine forever...
caz he's soo delicious..
i'm pratically salivating...
and caz it's our first...
it's memorable no matter how crappy the show is...

2005-02-27T17:39:00.000+08:00

what do you do when focus is like the soapy, slippery handle you're trying so hard to hold on to???
teach me...
i'm trying hard to hold on..
but my hand is slipping...

2005-02-24T12:04:00.000+08:00

ate steamboat with lala last nite...
yes.. in this sweltering heat...
pespiring as we were eating..
but no heat shall kill our joy..

threesome plus one finally went out..
with lil kenneth.. mabbe there'll be fivesome??
hehe...
we went ta mountfaber, Alvito...
i prefer cafe iguana Ed.. Alvito ain't the rite setting for a group of khakis..
anyway we didnt stay too long..
which was good... caz i was damn uncomfortable feeling sticky all over..
e first thing i did when i got to lala's place was to bathe..

sam came to pick me up...
n we went ta east coast..
the place is GROSS man...
we were sitting on e breakwater..
i'm not sure for how long..
we saw three rats.. two roaches...
i was so freaked out... i pulled him back to the car...
but its e first time i encounter these disgusting pests there..
maybe we selected the wrong breakwater..
hahaha.....
but still... i lurve spending time with him lidat...
it definitely beats roaming malls and e streets of town...

last night must have been the soppiest night of my life in ages...
i cried three times...
all caused by two persons whom i love dearly...
i was so damn emotional...
i wanna slap all ya asses...

Darlin: u touched me with ya words n stirred emotions in me i haven felt for a long time...

lala: u silly ass... i shall forgive u for purposely cheating me.. shall forgive u for all da tears.. i feel so fortunate to have picked u up in the course of my life..

i love you both loads...

i don't want any attention from god anymore...
caz i'm afraid he'll feel i'm having too much...
pls dont take away any of them...

what fails to break you make you stronger...
i really believe in that...
in all aspects of life... i've experienced it...
don't despair when u're lost or down in e dumps..
it'll pass... pick yaself up and u'll be stronger den before...

2005-02-21T16:00:00.000+08:00

dear diary... i'm back!!
hahaha... yes i haven't been blogging...
n i dont think i want a toilet seat smack on my face..

recently its been difficult getting my thoughts organised..
it's like it's in a turmoil and i have difficulty concentrating on tasks on hand..
its bad...

Ed: upon recommendation i went to read the book. Now i understand why you've always been asking me to read that book since the first day we met. hahahaha... then again.. thanks.. *smiles*
many times.. you really get to learn more when you just shut up and listen..
i guess there's a reason why we have two ears and only one mouth...
the other day my aunt was talkin to her boyfriend on the phone..
and i was supposed to be sleeping..
cept i was facing the wall on my side.. back facing her.. eyes wide open..
and i just couldnt help listening.. she wasn't exactly whispering..
their conversations were interesting...
i guess if you filmed my face.. there'd be a series of various expressions..
they could jump from stocks..
to having a holiday..
to why there were no calls..
to insulting each other intellectually..
and in the middle of an argument..
suddenly.. i hear my aunt say..
~(@#$^*@^%*)&...... " oh ya.. i need to go over to bangkok two weeks later.. i'll be alone.. so you can join me.."
DO WE ARGUE LIKE THAT????
and she sounded really quite pissed until she broke off midsentence...
adults....
but other than that.. their conversations are quite informative..
hehs..

anyone's caught Hide and Seek yet??
if you haven't.. go catch it..
it's worth the $8.50 you pay..
Dakota Fanning (she plays the little girl) is fantastic...
those who says when i stare i look scary....
you should see her stare... she looks through you...
otherwise.. the movie plays with you psychologically..
it leads you on.. n u keep anticipating.. but you still get scared..
there's a twist to the ending.. which brings sense to the whole show...
i walked outta the cinema..
cold and fairly shaken..
but i wasn't in the least spooked... plus i was able to sleep well..
so to the faint hearted.. have no worries.. u just hafta survive in the cinema itself..

i miss him..

2005-02-06T04:28:00.000+08:00

i got down the cab and as i walked to the lift...
i think i miss you...
i stared at the space around me as the lift closes...
and i wished you were here...
i heaved a sigh of regret...
and shook my head to clear all thoughts...
but i got e throbbing pain instead...

standing at the balcony...
as i looked up at the stars...
i thought of you again...
they seem to be telling me something..
it felt serene...
it felt unreal...
i crave the silence....
the calmness...
the serenity...
it makes me feel at peace...
even when at peace...
you're still on my mind...
and i know.. i really miss u..

2005-02-05T20:30:00.000+08:00

i seriously need my therapy....
i'm gonna go prepare and come for you...
PLS CURE ME OF ALL ILLNESS...
and if u cant... i wonder if i'll be stupid enough to turn to other sources...
here's to you biatch....
we're great, sexy and lovable...
we're bitches.. and we need no males..
let's toast.....
mine mind is screwed..

battered all over

2005-02-05T20:10:00.000+08:00

i'm supposed to go bathe n prepare to blackout later in e nite..
but i'm feeling so fucked up i dun haf da mood to drag my ass to e bathroom..
and there's no one at home i can holler at..
n with every single word i type..
i feel like killing..
a tad of exaggeration..
but i seriously feel this thing's screwed...

it happens EVERY SINGLE TIME ..
i dunno what's up with the brains and minds of these pple..
e rules and regulations were made fuckin clear...
its not like i just revealed myself..
on the contrary i think you just freakin hell started to reveal yourself...
n i cant say i lurve it.. all complete with dripping sarcasm...
you ticked the I AGREE box and accepted the agreement....
the WHOLE package dammit...
and ALWAYS.. ALWAYS....
every single one starts finding probs..
start rejecting the terms and conditions...
and every single one of you gives the same...
EXACTLY THE SAME... excuse...
the more i hear it... e more sick of it i am..
yes.. i'm touched.. very..
but now... i wonder how all of them can come up with the exact same excuse or rather reason as they wud like to haf it termed for their obnoxious behavious or 'reasoning'
I AM A SELFISH GIRL and A HEARTLESS one if you would like..
i dunno what the hell you fed me...
but to you.. i've been behaving like a miracle..
i wud haf put up no such nonsense in the past..
and i wonder if i'm doing myself a favour with e new tolerance..
caz i certainly dont feel so..
y dont i just thrash it out??
caz i find no point...
whatever is said would in the end just be gibberish..
so screw the whole shouting and finger pointing exercise...
now i am beginning to get the picture ...
of two bulls... engaging horns with each other,,
both seeing red...
stubborness may just be our downfall...

but its been barely 30 days...
and even when i hate all these..
i aint requesting bail...
rite now like many a time in the past..
i feel like just engaging the help of a brain surgeon...
y the hell do two grey masses up there differ so much!??!
was tarot right.... was i wrong in being stubborn n refusing to accept it??
FUCK YOU...
THE WORLD IS AN ARSE... A FUCKING UGLY DISFIGURED ONE.

2005-02-04T15:13:00.000+08:00

oh my freaking goD!!
i cant believe i'm a nerd wannabe...
hahahah... when i got e results i laughed moi arse off man...
this quiz is nuts..
but then again... maybe it explains y i've been mugging religiously for moi exams...
eeww.. yep.. studying sucks..
but i reckon working sucks more...
so for now i'll gladly stick to da books...
oh.. to those who r reading my blog..
pls pls tag if u go take e test n u r nerdier...
it'll provide me some form of amusement...
hahaha...

yup.. this is how bored i can get when i'm home with papers n alphabets as companions....

i am a huge fan of procrastination....
mine To-Do list is about as long as it can get..
but none is accomplished...
i've yet to get da book as my diary..
yet to fix up details with pepper inc..
yet to come up with resolutions for e yr..
yet to pack my room..
yet to spring clean for new yr..
n e list goes on...

someone pls just take away all my lazy bones...
i'm a bag full of them...
jesus.. tt's one more task on your To-Do list...
make it top priority pls...
else i wouldn't make it in time for Santa's good children list this xmas..
Amen.....

The (im)Perfect Day..

2005-02-03T02:12:00.000+08:00

i met up with my beloved bitch..
after more den a week since i last saw her..
hahaha.. we were so hot today..
seriOusly... i admire the both of us..
the amount of pain we'll put up with just to maintain e poise and image..
wooo.. we deserve three cheers..

we went shopping.... had lotsa fun.. and lotsa stuff..
i finally got a dunk..
its valentine '05 edition..
highly GLOSS ...
muaahahaha.. Lurve it man.. its LOUD..
snitched a pair of lala's high cut converse too...
tt dumb girl bought e wrong size..
n voila.. it fits me just nicE!!
hehehehe...
got a dress... freaking sweet man..
i look so damn innocent in e dress..
and i reckon its DECENT enough mommie..
i think i'm gonna get e ripcurl dress too lala.. :P
gotten a belt too..
n my jeans..

and den we headed over to lala's place...
its like so common to see me there..
n i reckon her sis's gotten so used to us walkin in when she's drifting to dreamland..
haha.. chilled.. talked.. laughed..
that bitch is therapy for me..
lurve you loads girl...

it was supposed to be the perfect day... but i got news that crashed it.. those few msgs hurt.. and i hate that feeling... maybe its e exact reason y you tell me you r regretting... caz we're both in a lil too deep.. i never thought just words itself will render me tt kinda disappoinment.. for a moment that thought flashed thru my head.. but for once.. it went away as fast as it came... even i was surprised... it means you wouldn't go where all e rest have been.... i started to get paranoid... but i told myself not to ASSUME.... for it will mean to make an ASS outta U and ME... so please.. i dun wanna be made an ass.. i reckon neither will you.. i'm not yet very used to having another person in my life... so allow me time to adapt... i suck at guessing games and i'm not exactly observant or sensitive... but i've always been like that... i'm trying to improve on that... but dun expect huge changes.. i dun think tt'll happen... so bear with me...

2005-01-30T23:52:00.000+08:00

that was some fine anonymous entertainment i got this morn.....
and credits to lala eh.. hahaha...
we're gettin pretty good at being spiteful and giving slaps in the face eh..
damn.. i hope hell dun appear in our dreams..

after preparing for a week.. i'm gonna endure some three hour bull shitting session tml...
let's pray i'll ace it.. oh orite.. just let me pass..
managed to get my first resume written.. got it sent out to a couple of agencies..
got secured at pepper inc.. a local agency..
tryin my luck at saatchi.. n i'm praying i get one there..
hopefully i'll be able to start after exams n grad proj..
tt'll be in march...

it's also my lil nephew's bdae tml...
celebrated with him tonight..
he's freaking cute man... i might just kidnap him anyday..
but he cries e moment he leaves his mom..
dammit.. he's such a wimp
but i lurve him anyhow..

i've been thinking...
i wanna start a diary... as in a real diary..
not an online one..
but the book kind..
and i'm gonna do it..
e feeling is damn different.. esp when u read back....
its more real at e very least...
caz i chanced upon some stuff i wrote in a fit of anger..
e different writings..
it brings back e exact feelings boy..

during the routine blog readings... i found out everyone's feeling nostalgic..
maybe its influential... caz it made me think back on fond memories too..
and hell... i think i miss lala...
i haven seen her for one whole freaking week..
bitCh.. do u rem e times we stood at e balcony over lookin e multi-purpose court??
during recess.. eating our bread...
waiting for our crushes to walk up the stairs...
just to smile and say hello..
the times we went to study for 'O's but ended up just talking n had to sit damn far apart just to stop talking??
how we used to go for tuition and get scolded for being so noisy..
how i go to ur house to use your oven n bake cookies...
or rather u bake cookies..
hahaha..
memories flashed back to many pple...
i miss e gang..
and to all peeps who've appeared in my life sometime or other...
thanks.. u guys contributed in someway or other..
weihong.. vin and gang...moi dearest twosome plus 1.... my darling.. qian n debb..
without u guys... smiles and laughter might have just been a figment of my imagination...

2005-01-24T11:40:00.000+08:00

today i finally get to stay home and just drape myself all over the place... something i haven't been able to do for the past two weeks?? i'm getting a breather.. every single day i've been home for e past few weeks.. i've been rushin with projs.. and every single moment i'm not home.. i'm out at NuMusic or hangin out with my boy.. not tt i don't enjoy it.. trust me.. i'm not complaining... i just miss moi home...

exams are barely two weeks away... i've taken a week's off to prepare for it... and i pray doubly hard for smooth exam preparations.. poor lala has gotta work whilst i'm at it.. sorry girl.. i owe u a big one.. *muackS*

it suddenly hit me tt day... with exams approaching and course ending.. all my classmates are lookin for jobs... and we were hangin ard discussing where to go from here... i suddenly felt farkin lost... bcaz whatever questions were asked... no one had any answers... we were seriously a bunch of kids goin to sch not intending to plan for future till circumstances force us to.. i dunno where all e time went to.. but it felt like just yest when i first stepped into mdis for e first day of sch.. n now we're all sayin byes.. 18 months later.. i'll be sayin byes to my degree classmates... and what next??? i was just thinkin bout it last night.. the thought of goin to work.... FULL TIME... at a prim and proper office.... working hours... morning rush hours... specific lunch times... dammit... e scene scares the shit outta me... i suddenly don't wanna grow up... i don't wanna be an adult.. because tt means everything will change... because tt means burdens and responsibilities become neccessities.. not optionals like now...

is it possible to live life e way it is now forever?? i came up with e conclusion :NO. ...
bcaz i'm basically living off my parents now.. house paid for.. water n electricity bills paid for.. everything else.. cept for moi own living expenses which i havent been askin for since a yr plus ago.. and times out with my folks are owas paid for.. imagine if i were to support myself without them... i'll prob be headlines in Newpaper after a month... " Homeless girl found slpin on the streets of bukit batok" .. yea.. i can just visualise tt..

so lala.. i agree totally with u ... life is so farked up..

a recent addition to my life made it better though.... mayb its just e starting.. everything looks good at e beginning doesnt it.. and i've come to find out more.... good and bad... but whatever it is.... i'm falling....fast?? not.. slowly yes... hard??? i wud think so...

the last time i've been out clubbing must have been more then a month plus ago.. peeps at home aren't nagging oredi... mom's been waiting up quite often for me to get back from work.. life's pretty good... caz i have a relish for this feeling that my parents are satisfied with me... and i suspect my B's proved tt even when i dun seem to be studying.. i ain't doing badly... i miss clubbin just tt teeny weeny bit tho... but not enuff to risk pple gettin unhappy with me... esp ppl i love n who are dear to me..

2005-01-18T00:59:00.000+08:00

rite... just got home n bathed...
been trying to blog e past few days..
but somehow i dunno where da hell to start..
or rather.. i dun even noe how to start ...
i dunno how i should put my views across to her...
but when i tried this afternoon and she talked back...
i knew she noes what i wanna say...
and i really hope she's learnt... not to do anything else...
but to just treasure herself... n those she has around her...
i'll always be there for u ...
but many things... its up to u to make e decision...
i can only do so much...
so please... don't disappoint me...

i made a big decision..
i decided to treasure e ppl around me..
n i'll treasure them... him...
he made me feel emotions i dun feel before..
n tonight i felt something strange...
i dunno if its jealousy.. ok..
i dunnno what e freakin hell it is..
i wasn't pissed or anything... n all he said assured me..
but i suddenly found out tt...
mine actions will affect many other pple...
n one of his replies made me raise my brows...
n i noe.. small lil stuff do matter..
even when i totally understand e situation..
i've no control over tt lil prick i felt...
i dunno if he felt e same way too when i did certain things...
but tonight.. i changed certain views...

2005-01-10T01:30:00.000+08:00

pass few days have been uneventful....
but emotionally i went throught e rollercoaster ride..
i got woken yest at 3+++ am...
i dunno how e hell words are gonna describe my feelings..
anger.. anxiety.. worry.. feelings of loss at hand... guilt..
all mixed into one..
but i was more worried den anything..
fingers crossed praying everything will be alright..
i'm sorry i wasnt there...
when u needed someone e most..
u know i love you....
and i know why it happened...
but like i said...
its time to take a step back for a break...
do me proud girl..
lots of us do care.. alot..

his appearance picked me up from e dumps...
tho i'm more often than not too busy to talk long or even talk in e first place...
things seem to be really smooth..
caz he's finally gotten e point tt avoiding doesn't help at all..
n he seems to have glued himself to tt spot in moi mind...

projs are stressing me out...
though they'll be over by this week..
n i damn hell look forward to projs all ending...
e fact tt i'm seeing lesser n lesser of mommie n daddy is making me sad..
i miss them..
lotsa emotions i dunno how to deal with..
all at e same time..
i'm pushing them all away...
and hopefully they'll disappear on it own..

now .. i'm going to bed..
is this what it feels like to fall in love???

2005-01-05T01:15:00.000+08:00

you are olivedrab
#688E23

Your dominant hues are green and yellow. There's no doubt about the fact that you think with your head, but you don't want to be seen as boring and want people to know about your adventurous streak now and again.

Your saturation level is higher than average - You know what you want, but sometimes know not to tell everyone. You value accomplishments and know you can get the job done, so don't be afraid to run out and make things happen.

Your outlook on life can be bright or dark, depending on the situation. You are flexible and see things objectively.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

2005

2005-01-02T23:08:00.000+08:00

its a new yr!!! 2005....
but no i dun care... i'm still 19..
damn... time flies man..
n i just passed 2004 without accomplishing anything...
well let's see...
okok.. at least i managed to go for e course i've owas wanted??
and oooh... i managed to support myself for a whole year!!!
now... tt...
is a huge accomplishment..
hahaha..

spent e countdown at saf yacht club..
with sam n co..
first time i celebrated a countdown like this..
n it wus helluva fun...
it wus noisy yea... rowdy?? a lil la..
handflares.. horns.. radio.. shouts.. sparklers.. sea breeze..
n ppl were high....
at one point or other in e night..
two guys grinding against each other in e middle of nowhere???
uh huh... definitely high yea??
*winkx*

e night gave me confusions..
i dunnoe wut e hell wus he tryin to do ..
n yes.. i got pissed...
i tot it wus quite evident..
n he still had to ask " are u angry"
which got me more pissed..
so i didnt reply..
n pissed i remained...
till he sent me a a series of 3 sms...
he redeemed himself..
its e freakin first time we talked..
talked as in realli talked..
n it wus peaceful talking..
i got some insights...
i guess now i'm quite happie he acted stupidly..
caz else we wudn't haf gotten down ta talking..
but still.. e stupid acts were not appreciated..
by opening yaself up..
i noe u r exposing yaself to hurt..
n possibly changes..
which u dun want..
but thanks for doin all tt..
caz it allowed me to understand u..ur stand.. ur view.. better....

been working for e past two daes..
n i finally saw jerome today..
hahaha.. now.. lala..
i finally can link his name to a face..
not a trucker's cap... n da nicey word..
i can't believe i did such a dumb thing..
my gOd.. u caused it lo..
ok anyway..
i'm still slp deprived.. accmulation started on new yr's eve..
i damn hell slpt a total of 3 hours..
n now i'm lookin everybit e panda..
n i hate it..
i lurve mah bed..
i wish life will stop seperatin me n it..
now i'm off to give it its much needed loving care n attention from me..

2004-12-29T23:10:00.000+08:00

i just got home from da movies... caught kungfu hustle with him... its a freakin' lame show!!! but it has its merits... at least it got me lauffin.. shopped with him for xmas pressie.... damn... its tough gettin presents for guys... esp a group of guys with different style n pattern... hahah... i saw something also... its nicee... maybe i'll get it... i had a nicee time.... Oh well... thou shalt not hurry or rush.. oh ya... mommy saw him when he sent me home... i tot i saw he kan cheong for a moment... hahahaz.... ooopS but anyway mommie didnt make too many comments...

2004-12-29T11:56:00.000+08:00

the holiday cheers seem to haf died abruptly with e interruption of e tsunami incident...
with 45,000 people reportedly dead (numbers r rising still.. )..
e images n stories seem to haf snapped us from e festive mood...
as it were.... the timing (if nature has a sense of it) couldn't have been more cruel...
whilst we on our lil island party our lil assies off....
how many pple are weepin over loved ones...
how mani are struggling over stayin alive??
from this day on.. how mani will hate e season greeting's??
that being said... it seems huge sacrifices are necessary to bring on remorse..
if it were reported that 10 died...
how many of us wud think of it as 'just another natural disaster'
it seems this particular incident caught e attention of us all..
simply bcaz...
the numbers of perished climbs staggeringly high...
we aren't exact strangers to natural phenomenons n disasters like this...
but they all failed to capeture e headlines...
caz simply.. not enuff pple died to warrant e shock level...
not enuff pple died to create e sensationalism media needs..

ok.. i'm part of e human race..
so i shan't mock at it..
For those with tendencies leaning toward compassion rather than derision of mankind, donations can be made @ Red Cross.org

*observing one minute of silence..*

poSt xMas~

2004-12-27T14:46:00.000+08:00

iTs after chrisTmaS~!
i slpt on moi own bed last nite..
hehehe...
in moi own mess..
i miss lala's messy room...
sIgh...
i stared into darkness till i fell aslp...
not toked till i cudn't even make any sense in wut i said...
i faced da wall when i turn...
not another snoozing pig who wakes in da middle of the night crying from a nightmare..
i misss u bitch..
ooh dun i sound love sick??
hahahaha... *gooSebumpS*

mom's not workin today...
came home directly after sch..
caz i wanted to acc her...
bUT... she went out without me!!!!
caz she tot i wud be working..
sob sob...
neway i'm too tired to go out again..
i left moi mobile at home..
dum dum me..
came home to so mani missed calls n messages...
my friends owas like ta look for me when i leave moi mobile somewhere...
hahahha..
tough luck peeps..

i wanna moi hair to grow long fasteR...
i wanna go shoppin with mommie...
i wanna get good grades..
i wanna be richer...
i wanna get a bedroom makeover..
i wanna get an intern jobbie..
i wanna rid this world of dum bitches who pokes their nose into other pple's lives for no reason..
n they dun get it when pple shout "fuck off" in their faces...
hmmm... is tt one too many new yr wishie??
but i'm a week earlie for da new yr wish list..
do i get prioritieS??

its chrisTmas!!!

2004-12-26T22:17:00.000+08:00

HO HO HO!!!! itS officially da santa day!!! we slpt till 3 plus man.... luckily kosta went to work .. else we'll be so dead.. he's so nice... he had a fever.. but he went to work for us.... no wonder lala lurves him so much... i have such a nicey boyfriend yea kosta?? *winkX* i'm like soo at home at lala's place.... its like i've lived there all mah life.. granted..since i owas go over to her place.. even her lil bro haf started to tok to me.. got up.. ate brunchie.. lazed.. n hafta go prepare to go out oredi... we were supposed to go take over kosta.. so he cud come home earlier to rest.. but by da time we went down.. it wus like 6 plus.. n jimmy decided tt we shud close earlie.. wise decision... caz far east wus literally dead... soo many shops were closed.. n there were so few ppl.. so not used to it... n closin early wus goodie news for us... headed to mango for shoppin.. S A L E !! oops.. hee.. e salesgirl there pissed us off... like we're tryin to steal clothings or something.. -.- we can afford it hElloE... anyway.. i wasn't tt bothered la.. i bought this top tt cud pass off as a jacket too... just lurve it.... n its blackout timE!!! dum dum monnie... ditched wifey for e dustbin... Grr... there wus no reunion... so sAd... n when we went into black... near 12 oredi.. but still no crowD~ i wus sooo freakin bored... so me n lala drank.. vodka n f&n is a new flavour.. n its nicEeeeee... whisky dry is nice too.. anytime nicer than bourbon coke lala... tt S U C K S .. just like ur gin.. i dun likeEe.. in da middle of feelin bored.. he msged me... his com is officially dead... tt got me more sian !!!! no more chattin on msn with him.. no more late nights.. no more laming... siGh... n it's suddenly just weird how i felt... i went into deep tots at black... sittin at da attic.. starin at lala wilson n ed tokin.. but not listenin.. i think da cold war helped matters... well.. at least we knew where our stand is..
someone whom i used to take as solely a guy friend... someone who got me a lil freaked out by confessing.. n suddenly it changed... his feelings matter... he never fails to make me smile.. never fails to cheer me up.. doesnt mind actin dumb or lame just so i wudnt be moody.. someone who comes to mind at da most uncanny moments... he also never fails to get me irritated... so pissed i click my tongue n feel like starin at him soo hard.. he brings me up and down.. things lifted up abit when DJ Jaz started R n B n i went on to e podium.. with lala n wilson.. ed wus on da one opp us.. its nice da dance up there.. tho everyone will be lookin.. hahaha... n e bartenders all got up on e bartop to dance.. wOoOoo... soo cool.. n idiot lala ditched me for e highest podium... hmpH... left me there with humbeRt... da next time u do tt.. i'll strangle u on da spoT.. n i dun likE him.... not tt kinda like u think anyway.. in e end we got home at 4 plus... played with tarot cards before we slpt... i asked a ques... n i think e readin freaks me out.. caz it depicts e exact situation now.. n e thing is lala doesnt even noe moi question... e reading says e journey will be full of conflicts... which is trueE.. but ... its up to us if we wanna work out e conflicts.. moi view?? i agrEe... its reallie up to us... nothing tt cant be worked out... but.. there'll be lots of giving in.. lots of compromises... n it's really tiring if e whole time there'll be conflicts...

xmas eVe~

2004-12-25T22:54:00.000+08:00

its da day before xmaS'....
weren't supposed to go to work...
but kosta ain't back from camp....
n lala gotta pack up her room so i dun hafta slp in da mess..
went to work with moi big bag of stuff...
damn heavy lo!!! i looked like i ran away from home..
lol...
it wus damn happening at work...
there wus a hip hop thingy goin on or something...
dances and stuff... pple were cheerin n screamin away...
wOoo.... n e dance moves were slick man...
rite.. anyway... got off work at 7 plus..
went ta nicon gardens 69A for bbq dinner...
e log cake wus delicious!!
lala.. i think all ya relatives are so used to seein me ard..
hehehehe....
got monnie over too...
she came with a whole freakin' big box of sparklers...
those with sound!!
n we had a whole lotsa fun playin with it...
just imagine three 19 yr old girls with a few kids avg age of 3..
screamin away.. gigglin n laughin at max vol..
it wus so damn loud...
i felt like a kid all over again.. hahaha..
monnie.. we gotta do it again sometime...
it rocks..
den after tt we got some booze going..
both mine n monnie's face got red..
but i wasn't drunk at all!!
n lala kept askin me if i'm drunk..
-.-
i'm noT silly girl...
ED kept callin e whole nite..
caz we cudn't decide where to go...
in e end he came over n picked us up..
so e load of us...
lala..monnie..me..kosta..n lala's cousin..
got into da caddy...
n we were still arguin where to head...
in e end.. we cruised spore for 1.5 hours...
geylang..toa payoh.. orchard.. braddell..
bcaz.. we still cudn't decide where to go..
we even had beancurd at geylang..
in e end we went to do a lil site vist..
e warehouse where e countdown party for black will be held..
e place is quite big man... n i reckon e party is gonna be coool..
ED suggested Cafe Iguana....
went there ta chill.. a nice place... with nicey margaritas...
n nice breeze outside.. along e river..
den we all went home..
n for e first time...
ED onli had to go one place before goin home... lol..
lala's cousie crashed in too...
so da usual routine of removin make up .. bath.. bla bla..
n we toked till we fell aslp...
oh.. exchanged prezzies too..
*pokie pokiE* *grinx*

2004-12-23T01:43:00.000+08:00

went ta work...
den lala came n took over when i went for class at 2 ..
lesson wus fun today...
sunny goh intro-ed a book ...
its called the hite report..
sounds serious??
its is man...
this book is a nationwide study of female sexuality..
apparently when she wrote e book.. females were still perceived as e less superior sex ..
u noe... e thing bout man being e stronger sex n thus being e leader at work..home.. or play.. n most importantly.. in bed as well..
so what hite did.. she sent out loads of interviews to households..
questions asked about e woman's sexuality preferences... etc...

" how does orgasm feel---- with or without intercourse? is it important to you?"
"do you enjoy masturbation? how do you masturbate?"

one wud expect tt no one wud reply..
but surprisingly she got over three thouhsand replies..
tho she sent out more than 3 times tt amount of interviews...
when asked y they replied...
e women said...

" the time is long overdue for women to speak out about their own feelings on sex"

"i am grateful bcaz finally i get to tell how i really feel about sex n my sex life. there's no one i can talk to that wud understand."

n the whole book is basically a compilation on the answers given n they feelings n views they haf..
y does e book interest me tho??
according to sunny goh..
this books changed e roles of men n women in society today...
back den no one...
n he meant it when he said no one..
dared to do such a thing lidat..
women were just not suposed to speak lidat..
in a crude manner..
maybe women weren't allowed to even think..
else they'll be cleverer den men??
which is a taboo.. a NOnO ...
i mean.. just read on y they answered..
u get e point tt women back den feel seriously stifled..
anyway... this book caused females to dare to speak up..
n so from then on... changes started to take place..
so ladies... shudn't we give this book some credit for our equal standing in society today??
n gentlemen too...
this book will do good to ans e many unendin queries u haf on our sexuality...
but i must say tho....
this book is strictly speakin.. R(A) if u must ask me..
i seriously recommend the book...
but... pls read it with an open mind..
n not for sleazy enjoyments..
so there it is.. THE HITE REPORT by SHERE HITE..

went to black after work...
for a total of half an hour at e most??
just went in to walk walk...
hahaha.. n collect stuff from ed..
tt guy... wus freakin late...
n some probs came up...
my poor girl wus so distressed...
but now everything's fine rite??
*fingers crossed*
be a goodie girl e next two days ya..
i'm sure everything'll be arite..
but if u happen to need a shoulder or ear..
u noe where u can find one..
*big big big huGx*

gonna catch meet the fockers preview tml..
with mommie n aunt..
long long time since i went out with mom...
so i'm rillie lookin forward to tml..
i see mommie everyday..
but somehow.. i rillie miss her...
i dunnoe....
mayb i see her but haven exactly been spending time with her??
sigh.. i just miss her so much...

been playin with da thing i stole...
lol...
its so fun!!
its now safely in moi wallet..
n i'm kinda guilty.. caz i'm sure u felt weird without ya ring..
*bleaH*
but i'm onli a lil lil lil bit guilty..
hehehehehe....

had proj discussions today....
as usual.. she pissed me off...
lucky this time there's aaron..
i like him man!!!!
he's so freakin good....
he keeps me calm.. n his ideas rock..
he says sensible things...
n makes her attempt to think before she speaks...
n i admit i wasnt concentratin alot durin discussion..
its all lala's fault!!!!
in e middle of discussion.....
rrrrrrring....
moi phone rang...
lala: where are you?!?!?!?!
me: still in class.. y??? *bewildered*
lala: i saw bernard!!!!!!!! n jerome!! with ronald..
me:* stands up suddenly* ReaLlie?!?!?!?!?!!?!?
*group mates stare at me... mouths half opened... pens stopped in mid-air..*
ahahahaha ...
i shocked them with moi sudden outburst i guess...
aH well... girls will be girls...
we will be goo goo ga ga over cuties..
purely visual satisfaction tho..
*winkx*

come to think of it now... moi day has actualli been quite eventful!!
n i wus thinking its like any other norm day..
haha..
its bedtime.. caz i'm zonkin out...

2004-12-21T12:20:00.000+08:00

went ta work today...
farnie but time seems to get pass quickly...
maybe caz vin sam n qian dropped by...
n i entertained myself with moi dan brown..
ya... nothing much..
lala: i realise tt my eyes dun wander outta e shop much..
esp when i haf a book..
anyway i wus feelin extremely friendly..
so i smiled at soo mani pple ..
n i wished everyone a "merry xmas n haf a nice day"
where to get this kinda well mannered shop assistant?? huh?!
hehehe *grinx*

for e first time...
sam's hair look good after he cut it..
lol... i dun like u in short short hair..
today wus like freakin lame..
he kept gettin teased...
i dunnoE y...
but his ears are really interesting when he blushes..
hahaha..
oopS..
jon wus fun to hang out with...
actualli it wus fun hanging out with e whole grp...
but i wus realli quite tired..
so i zoned out here n there..
sorrie guys... zoning out when i'm not supposed to is mah trademark..

it felt like a recovery...
or at least i felt so lo..
onli felt a lil awkward when jon teased him..
but it wus ok.. other than tt...
i feel at ease....
but then again i still strongly believe conflicts exist...
conflicts in interest.. conflicts in thinking..
etc etc etc..
ok.. maybe no etc(s)..
but da thinkin part seems like a big boulder in da middle of e road...
doesn't it seem like??
how mani girls haf extreme thinking like us lala??
does tt make us unique?? or troublesome??
muahahahaz....

i stole sam's ring!!
its rillie fun to play with lor...
but its soo biG...
even when i pput it on mah thumb it'll drop of any moment..
but i'm gonna steal it for good..
*devilish facE*

2004-12-18T19:03:00.000+08:00

met up with da JC peeps back on thurs...
yea i realised its a lil late for e entry...
hahaha...
anyway...
e norm me who used to be e latest whenever we meet wus on time for e first time...
n for e record... e first one to arrive..
we had dinner at fish n co..
da fish n chips wus nicEeee...
seafood platter lived up to its award winning title..
dinner wus followed by a SINFUL dessert session at swensen's...
n trust me... sinful it was.. no lesser..
we talked.. made merry.. laughed.. teased..
n i found myself starin at e group...
wondering wut was it tt brought us together in e first place..
i mean.. every single one of us were soo different!!
in every single way possible..
n yet we lived thru two whole wonderful years with horrendous academic torturings with each other as support...
fate is a seriously incredible thing..
e usuals were asked...
it wus heart warming...
i was transported back to breaktimes back in sch...
or nearly as close...
cept this time we didn't have to rush..
no one said : " faster!!! Ms lai's lesson.. " or " i go collect TYS first"...
everyone looked e same..
cept for e hair...
cindee finally had hair tt grew over the ears!!!!
u look nice babe... keep it up..
sigh... no one brought cameras...
it wus a pity...
we finally left swensen's at 10..
n parted at e newspaper stand... like we normally used to...
but this time...
there were rounds of
hugs..
byebyes...
take cares...
miss u(s)...
being exchanged....
something we never used to do before.....
i walked home with a smile on moi face...
flashbacks running thru my head..
e times i laughed.. cried.. shouted..frowned.. whined..complained..
teachers came to mind too..
n i wus smirkin to myself as i watched e scenes unfold in my mind..
e "MEeeiLing".. e signature Mrs Ong's irritated " S19..." + her folding her arms..
n e hush tt will follow..
e half-dead look from miss azhar...
e peeps who tolerated me..
who consoled me..
who were there for me..etc etc..
n i felt truly happy... from e inside...
memories are seriously thereupathic...
n in this case....
both good n bad are treasured..

e wonders of infatuation~

2004-12-18T00:40:00.000+08:00

mine brain is soo tired....
caz i've been helpin someone think sooo much...
to compose something... i dunno what to blog oredi..
*anyone feeling guiltY??*
or maybe smiling sheepishly in front of e com screen??
hahahahaha...
i bet u r...

went to far east again...
wus gonna return lala her shirt...
but i freakin hell brought it there n back again..
it owas happens!!!!
arghh...
had dinner with her...
moi hongkong mee... i like it!!

i went along as an under-study today when vanda met e producer n ad house designer...
she's workin in e ad agency..been in e industry for many yrs...
its interesting to see how they work..
n how minute stuff can cause a damn big hassle..
as an under-study..
i cud make comments..
n i did..
prob caz i wus new...
i viewed things with e naked eye..
n i pointed out some stuff tt they didnt notice..
hahaha...
i'm so proud..
caz da producer asked me what field i'm in..
he tot i wus workin for an ad agency too!!
n later on vanda said i contributed..
*beams*
e whole experience actually gave me more insight...
i'm gonna consider offering internship..
sunny goh.. my lecturer..
said today tt we hafta go ard knockin hard on doors for our opportunities..
n not write resumes n wait for job interviews..
which i found quite true..
all da ppl who made it big in e industry started out a small fry..
oh wEll... shall think bout it...

supposed to go catch e show with lala tonite...
but dad wasn't happie tt i wus gonna stayout late again..
its a midnite screening..
there were no other timings!!!
so i went home...
on da account tt next week i'm not gonna be home for three days...
so i shant make him pissed..

its so ironic..
i'm soo lookin forward to x'mas..
gonna crash at lala's place..
but on e other hand...
2 days after xmas will be submittion for GP outline..
i fuckin' havent decided on moi subject even!!!!!
n no one else in class has..
but tt shudn't come as a consolation shud it??
i need inspiration FAST...

2004-12-16T13:37:00.000+08:00

i'm in lurve with potatos...
i'm eating home-made mashed potatos as i'm typing...
made by yours truly..
n i must say its really delicious..*beams*
n i think i'm such a fortunate girl...
daddy bought me chicken chop!!!! juz caz i've been complainin tt i'm cravin for it..
lala... i finally settled ONE craving..
haha..
its moi first meal of da day.. yummm yummm..

i finally msged him over msn..
i wus just so freakin irritated over all e sign'ins i've been seeing..
and its been like more den a week since we last spoke..
had enuFf...
wus beginnin to wonder if i dun ever msn him..
will we ever speak again man..
he's one stubborn guy..not to mention..
MCP as well...
guys..
never seem to run out of lame excuses for all da things they do ...
or did not do...
i hate mars for tt's where they come from..
anyway... i took da first step out of impulse..
i guess e streak of e hot tempered devil is in moi nature..
hahaha...
but even den...
i figure its gonna take hell lotsa time to get things back on track..
or mabbe the track has taken on a different route..

did i mention moi mashed potatos r rilliee delicious??
caz they r really nice...

i'm gonna meet up with moi dear mates from JJ...
been ages since we last gathered...
da group of us all went different places..
took different routes..
i wonder if da feelings gonna be e same when we meet tonight,..
its gonna be dinner at fish 'n' Co...
other stuff asidE.. i'm already lookin forward to da fish n chips..
hahaha.. i'm just da lil piG..
speakin of JC mates...
i haven seen da squashies for a long time too...
hmmm... its time ta organise something..
i miss da peeps.. n all moi crazy lamers..
it must be e doing of e festive season...
moi brain is fuckin' laden with mind bogglin' stuff..
but somehow everyday is a happy one for me..
a happy day is defined as one as long as 75% of e day i'm happy...
i'm feelin nostalgic..
being a tad more emotional??
so if i seem to be huggin everyone..
excusE moi~
n have i told everyone tt i lurve u guyS???
rite...
I LURVE U PEEPS...
n i mean it..
there sanTa... i've been e goodiest girl..
i shall be expecting moi xmas wish to come true now...

FunnY night~!!

2004-12-16T03:40:00.000+08:00

didnt go to sch today...
i just finished bathing ...
wus in my room changing when e sun became scorching!!
i cud feel e damn heat in moi room!!
somehow i got freak irritated..
so i decided to skip sch..
lala came to crash at my shack..
she wus supposed to catch up on some slp..
n i wus supposed to do da same..
i on da aircon.. n both of us laid on e bed..
n.. started tokin.. NON-STOP...
alllll da way till 6 plus when it wus time to go bathe n prepare!!
oh gOsh...
Soooo many funny incidents happened today!!
literally just came home from black...
lala cudn't join us today...
sigh.. unforseen circumstances..
but its ok hunny...
threesome plus 1 shall haf a reunion next wEek??

i think today wus rillie happening...
me n monnie kept lauffing!!
omg..
first.. we were in da attic..
n mon wus sittin at da table...
den this girl came n asked fer permission to sit..
thrEe times...
da moment she sat down..
she started bawling her eyes out...
*freaked ouT*
den came this obasan...
barge in and started reprimanding her..
HAHA... farnie sight lo!! like those drama scene can..
den a short while later..
this guy carried this drunk girl up..
e moment he put her down...
*massage hand*
"wah lao... my hand gonna break already la"
after e girl came outta e toilet..
guy: where u wanna go now??
girl: podium!
guy: *with widened eyes* u siao ar?!
lol!!!!

we had enuff.. so we went down to da dancefloor again..
sOme idiot guy wus soo freakin lame!!!!!
lamer: hey.. are u available??
me: *stares at him* n say No...
lamer: can i dance with u??
me: *stares even harder* NO...
den there were lights....
lamer: dun stare at me lidat leh..
me: y?? very fierce ?? u scared ah?
lamer: no.. caz i v shy..
me: *rolls eyes*
my gOd... how loser cud he be!!! not da end..
lamer: it takes me alot of courage to tok to u ...
me: den dun tok la!
i stepped away from him...
and he followed!!!
it wus three steps before he said..
lamer: u haf friendster account ??
me to monnie: i seriously need to escape from this guy man!!
n when i walked away he still pull on my shirt n waved goodbye lo!!
sooo crappy...

den there wus this two gays...
who were so touchy man..
i dunnoe wut da hell they want!!
so we changed place with two guys..
den after awhile..
guy 1: tt gay is makin me pissed man..
guy 2 : y??
guy 1: he is like fishing me lo!!
*me n mon were laughin uncontrollably man*
hahaha...
in da end e gays fished some guys... eWWwww...

n i dunnoe if today is uncle n aunties' funday...
or mabbe they had a committee center outing...
there were sooooo mani aunties in da club!!!!!
it wus amazing lo!!!
first they look super outta place...
some even had purses under their armpits,... while dancing..
gosh...
but i rilli admire them..
caz they went on to e podium man...
woOo..
my respects..

it wus fun man.....
too bad we didnt stay till da end..
it wud have been nice to see those aunties with da lights on..
hahaha....
and i still miss da threesome plus 1..
freakin sleepy...
shall go remove mah makeup n zonkout..

2004-12-13T22:01:00.000+08:00

wus supposed to catch sch for seduction today...
but cancelled it..
caz moi dear friend wus too sleepy..
i seriously think she is sleep deprived...
n i wun wan to watch da show with a person snoozin beside me..
lol..
so i think we'll catch it on wed ya??
i dun care lala.. u better catch it with me..
rem police story??
no repeat of history ah..
*all prepared to strangle*
i dunno y i m so excited bout goin for a movie with u ..
hahaha..
i think its bcaz u just dun like ta watch movie..
suddenly this time interested..
its da word seduction ritEe???
*winkX*

in da end went shoppin whilst waitin for her..
den shopped more after she came..
called mommie on da way home..
they were gonna go out for dinner..
so i joined them..
somehow in da end e whole family turned up..
so we went to westmall..
da new chi restaurant..
e food is yummy!!
i likey da la mian..
actually everything wus nice..
or maybe it's just e feeling....
like v long never haf dinner with e whole family....
it wus nice...
tok tok tok... eat eat eat... laugh laugh laugh...
after that went to sEe diamond!!
i think i m growin old le..
wahahhahhaahz....
in da past i'll pull mommie away from da shops..
now i join her in viewing the shiny stones..
i wanted her to buy me a solitaire ring...
so nicEe!!
but papa wus there...
she dun dare to buy..
hahaha....

i realized simple things like accompanying them for dinner ...
makes them v happie...
i guess they just wanna see more of me....
well... shall try okie??
*bleah*

i see da sign in(s)..
but i just refuse to do anything..
mayb i'm too stubborn...
i admit i am stubborn...
but i dunnoe y lo...
i just refuse to take da step..
y has it got to be me??
if he's fine with it..
fine den...
i think this is so childish.. but i just refuse..

2004-12-11T13:47:00.000+08:00

moi entries are sooo backdated...
haha...
i'm lazy la..
n e server at nite is so freakin slow...
i got irritated..

anyway went to e ACJC bash on tues...
da moment we went in..
sianx lo!!
e dance floor wus like ghost town man..
but near 12 e crowd started to come in..
n boy... e crowd wus not bad at all!!
lala.. i told ya ACJC has got lotsa cuties..
it totally wasn't like a JC party...

i went to look for lala yest...
acc her.. for work..
n i'll be workin there in jan too!!
hehe..
somehow time pass v fast lo!!
i think caz we kept chatting..
non stop..
n we kept lauffing too..
she's so stupiD!!!!
owas give me tt blur facE!!
hahahaz..

been spending lotsa time on non-sch activities..
i hafta shuffle moi priorities..
grad proj dateline is cominn up..
but i haf yet to decide on wut i'm gonna settle for..
wanna do advertising.. but e lecturer is so stingy in marks..
i m seriously stumped..
think i need ta sit down n think haRd..
projs have all been given out..
yet to start on any...
tho i haf all e outlines in moi head...
so screwEd...
but no one in class has started on any yet..
hahaha..
been troubled....
da course is ending soon.. in another 2 months plus...
tt's onli like 60 plus days away..
n i dunnoe if i wanna continue with MDIS for e degree...
with an advanced dip...
according to da industry.. its actualli more den enuff...
but maybe its e stubborn me..
i wanna get at least a degree...
shud i start workin first den pursue e degree a few yrs later??
by then will i give up what i haf achieved to go for higher qualifications??
or shud i do e degree now??
if i do e degree now... where da hell to do it??
deep down.. i wanna do it on a real campus..
i want e campus life..
even tho MDIS is gonna haf its own sch..
its just different from campus life aint it??

i'm realli troubled man..
been tryin not to think about it..
but.. i can't... each passing day seems to be a warning bell tt i need ta make a decision..
everyone in class is thinking bout it ..
my parents are askin me...
its so sucky..
n everyone i tok to give me different views...
sigh....
tokin to peers dun help either...
those in e same boat haf da same probs..
e rest dun even noe nuts bout mass comm...
its times like tt i wish there'll onli be one available route for every course..
den we dun hafta think so much..
but da world is just so practical..
e more routes there are...
the more room there is for classifying..
i'm so not looking forward to e end of course..

homEy sweet...

2004-12-05T15:35:00.000+08:00

moi taggy haS got strangeRs!!
weIrd...
makes me wonder who's been reading...
haha..
wutever it iS... frEe to leave ya comments..
but if u aren't happIe.. there aren't room fer insultS..
just scram outta heRe..

it's homEy day today!!!!!
i'm such a gOodie gal..
oh crAp...
its bcAz dad ground me for da day..
" u better stay at home today n go for dinner tonight"
goSh... of cAz daddiE..
when u use tt tone of urS.. i wud'nt dare to do otherwisE..

went ta lala's bbq last nite with monnie..
nicey fOod... plentiful..
*DrOolx*
da appearance of monnie n me speLls conspiracy...
muahahahaha...
BUT NO..
we were soo sensible last nite..
we decided not to sneak oFf...
da whole nite lala's mom n aunts kept sneaking glances over..
n we kept lookin over too..
lol.. farniE..
we kept thinking they were bitchin bout us...
n i think lala's mommie must be thinkin tt lala is usin da two of us to escape..
next time she see's me...
i bet she'll prepare for da disappearance of lala..
i'm da official kidnappeR!!
*grinX*

i haf ta say this.....
lala is a DESTROYER!!!
she's freakin hell destructive man...
da whole night she kept spillin stuFf...
knockin over bowls..plates.. cups..
oh Man...
and it wus at da exact same spoT!!!
i ended up cleanin after her like somE maRia...
gRrr...
n we were crappin bout livin together..
i think i'll end up da frEe in-house maid..
NO WAY!!
*bleaHX*

been seeing a lot lesser of mom n dad...
somehow timings just clash...
n whenever they sEe me..
its da naggings i get..
exact replicas..
they seriously qualify for recorders.. or parrots..
aunt mom dad...
try hearin da exact same stuFf thrice in a day..
fuck man..
its hell irritatinG!!
they just dun get it tt less is more..
how do u expect me to act interested when i can predict wut u r gonna say!?
and we've been thru e same freakin routine soo many times now..
its like a script...
tt doesn't get to air..
I SEE THEIR POINT OF VIEW..
i do!!
but they dun see mine..
like my bro said...
its da world of dictatorship in this house..
i think my parents worship Adolf Hitler..

sIghx...

2004-12-04T14:15:00.000+08:00

didn't haf da mood to post anything da past few days..
went ta black yest...
crowd wasn't tt good lo..
guess all of them went ta zouk..
caz zoukout tics entitles a free entry yest..
gRrr..
n there wus routine check by da POLICE..
how irritatinG..
luckily tho..
everything kinda turned out more fun after tt..
i think e DJ knew it wus kinda sian oredi..
so they didnt dare play too much of other stuFf..
but something's still missing...
mon couldn't make it yest..
she wus under house arrest..
lol..
i miss heR!!
rite lala???
its just differenT...
we went with ed ,von n cheryl..

initially didn't plan ta go down...
plan wus to go with mon tonite...
to catch her * er- hEm*
but tonite it'll onli be me n her.. n there's zoukout also..
sigH... so...
n i think she's still gonna be under house arrest..
hehex... pooR husbanD..
till next weEk den...

cutie spotTed last nitE...
so cutEe!!
it wus farnie man...
ALL of us noticed his friend first...
caz his friend wus so ugly..
ugly looking + ugly shirt..
oh man..
den eyes strayed n i saw him beside da ugly friend..
he's CUTE..
i likey his eyes n nosE!!
so i wus sneakin glances at him da whole nite..
loLx..
but we were kinda far...
plus von n cheryl were between us..
so didnt do anything la..
went on to da podium towards e end..
he wus at da side bar..
looked over... n he looked over too..
actuaLly da whole nite its been lidat..
hahaha..
but neither of us did anythinG...
den saw him leaving..
i grabbed lala n pulled her upstairs to da attic..
he wus sitting on da sofa..
*melTs*
but he wus gonna leavE!!!!
oh wEll.. fate ba.. so let him leave..
n i wus whining to lala..
BUT...
when we left... he wus still at da entrance with his friends!!!
woooo.. n he smiled at me..
hehehe..
there goes exchange of smiles.. hellos.. grins.. n numberS..
so farniE...

m gonna meet steph in town lata on...
totally no idea for wut..
she says she's got something to tell me n discuss..
all tt secrecy n mystery..
m supposed to meet sam too for movie..
but he went ta zouk last nite too..
so da both of us kinda lazy..
hahaha...
gueSs he got wasted.. caz he POP yest..

i'm addicted to pi pa gao........

2004-11-30T21:35:00.000+08:00

played truant today..
heh hehs..
PR lect.. no point going.. its all sooo straight to e point..
intended to stay home n complete moi book..
hoooked to it man... its nicE~
but got dragged to town to help my bro buy shoes..
arGh...
i wus sooo irritated!!
spoilt moi plans..
oh wEll..
onli one bro.. so......
got him all prepared for his prom..
was gonna go home when aunt called..
went down to meet her.. n mommie..
went to west coast area.. chicken chop!!!
yummmm yummmm...
had a filling dinneR..
or rather.. e onli meal of e day..
haha..

been coughing like nobody's buisness e past two days..
not to mention a stuffed nose too..
damn irritating...
esp at night... mine cough becomes super jialat..
cant even slp properly..
didnt go to work today also...
just dun feel good enuff to work..
wun be workin tml either..
tml's moi aunt's bdae..
gonna celebrate with her...
n after tt.. we'll be bringing moi nephew for xmas sight-seeing!!!!
picture time!!
hahaha...

been thinkin bout wut qian told me e other day...
she said..
" cherish wut u have in front of u ... before u lose it.. "
actualli i do wanna treasure.. everything..
friends.. studies.. him.. everything..
i dunno if its me trying to tell myself i'm not ready..
or i'm really not ready..
i've got a feeling i'm just not willing to step into it..
i'm scared..
sigH... soo mani insecurities..
mabbe tt's another reason y i've been clubbin..
caz in there.. no one has any expectations..
its all just for fun..
as lala says... its kinda an escape from reality..
but how long can u escape actually..
after so many circles...
so many illusions..
so many repetitions..
i've still got issues..
solely my own issues n insecurities to deal with..
which i dun wanna face..
self deniAL... but its simplier tt way..
its all mommy's fault... gave me prep talk just now..
set me thinking.. huRrmph...
oh weLl..
gonna go chat with moi baybEe.. *winkX*

meTroseXuals..

2004-11-29T15:07:00.000+08:00

dig this!!
dictionary.com doesn't haf an entry for metrosexuals..
neither does it for kiasu..
which can actually be found in an oxford..
so i guess its quite limited in a sense too..
khoo ghee ka toked bout metrosexuals in class today...
presumably a growing sex she said..
cOol eh..
next time under sex, it'll be male, female, metrosexual, homosexual..
lolx..
when she asked if we knew wut a metrosexual wus..
immediate reaction...
" VAIN MEN"
hahaha... it came spontaneously from da girls in claSs...

seriously... men r gettin more n more vain..
but i think it's not an issue bout purely wanting to look good for e sake of it...
its bcaz they r gettin more n more pressure..
from women...
muahahahha...
sadly... e male species r feelin increasingly threatened...
why???
caz women of today r more independent n wise...
if u go wayyyy back to da 50's where society is still pretty much a male dominant one..
n u compare it with today's society...
face it... e world has changed..
its no longer e men's world...
its our world.. e bitch's world..
we earn as much as da men..
we spend more den da men..
hence we r impt to da economy out there..
look at all da ads featured out there...
99% of them has a women in it..
who cares if its a men's product...
women are a neccessity....
we no longer can't live without men..
in fact.. its all da betta without e 'bastards' out there..
we no longer onli belong at home or in da kitchen..
we are climbing high on e corporate ladder..
its no longer men twirling us ard their last lil finger...
its now us doin e cowboy act of hooking..twirling..shaking.. n ditching..
n e men know it...
they know they r no longer impt..
they know they hafta fight against us.. instead of for us like in e past...
so they try to look good...
bcaz women are attracted to nice things..
to gain our attention.. u gotta look good..
decent in da least...
so all these stuff bout metrosexuals n vain men...
they're just men with a hugee sense of insecurity...
caz they find a need to loook goood 101% of da time...
they're more often den not brand concious too...
when they're in their "i feel good " getup..
they gain their confidence...
rip them of it n....
they bcum whimpering lil boys...

oh orite... i've been meann....
e above is really e feminist me...
*puRrr*
guys.. dun feel offended..
hahaha...

tt said...
all tt effort in groomin yaselves n makin yaselves suave n nice is appreciated by all women..
just dun go overboard...
we appreciate e visuals of nicely groomed men..
we enjoy bitching bout manicure n facial skills with...
a women..
not a man.. even if its a metrosexual at tt..

i'm bored.... came home right after sch today..
n there's nothing to do at home..
shall curl up in bed with e da vinci code..
n moi campbell's soup later...
been ages since i did tt..
havin a stuffed nose..
gotten back 80% of moi voice...
it sounds kinda husky now.. haha..
no one's online for me to bug..

B O R E D O M ...

2004-11-25T23:11:00.000+08:00

met up with qian today...
finaLly... like supa long nv meet up le..
missed her man..
aand debb too..
but as usual.. debb had to meet boyfriend..
so session ended earlie..
irritating lor!!!!
he owAs spoils it...
not against him...
but kinda like... siGhh...
me n qian refused to let her go..
n guess wut??
she almost cried..
i wus so shocked..
i didnt expect debb to be like that..
i guess she reallie loves him..

what i saw just scared me man...
i dun wanna become like tt...
i ask qian if i'll ever become lidat..
she say yes loR!!!
but only to the guy who finds mine achilles heel...
caz she also has e nonchalent attitude in relationships..
but she also experienced fallin for someone deep deep deep...
i dun THINK i wanna love someone till tt extent..
its quite torturing man...
i hope no one will find mine achilles heel...
caz i dun wan it to be used against me..
i've owas been nonchalent in relationships..
i rillie cant imagine myself putting a guy in priority above all man..

anyway...
yest went to black..
wus normal..
we were goodie girls..
n for once.. once..
lala wus super sober thru e nite..
merit points gal.. haha..
ed went yest... fer a short while..
he wasnt feeling well..
poor boY..
so it was cabbie day..
BUT....
sam came to pick his friend up...
so i hitched a ride!!
so lucky rite.. hafta say thanks to his friend..
else i also take cabbie home..
loLx..

i lost my voice...
think i shouted too much.. haha..
sigh..
now i sound sexy..
ooPx..
narcissist yea.. i love even moi own voice..
wOooo.....

bLackOut~!!

2004-11-21T21:15:00.000+08:00

yest was.....
HAPPENING MAN....
lolx...
e day started at 4.pm and ended at 5 am...
wOoo...
met lala n gang in da afternoon...
ed picked us up for church..
city harveSt...
eh.. e place is nice man..
n its so totally not e church session i had in mind...
i felt more like being in a tv studio den in church..
and after tt.. in e lobby..
it felt like takashimaya..
hahahaha...
nice experience though..
but i found e tongue lingo abit eerie...
e session lasted 2 hours plus..
come to think of it...
its realli amazing how i cud sit so long...
n not fidget about..
lol....
but overall.. it wus ok for me..
quite liked it ..

all 5 of us were starvinG...
settled dinner at JP...
and i found out this thing there..
dum dum ed!!!!!!!
tt idiot... did something with my name.. gRr...
i felt soo dumb man..
but oh weLl.. fer fun's sake..
all's well n forgiven..
n it wus off....
to black...

opened bottle yest..
lala got her member's card..
e crowd was... a lil older den usual..
n there wus an increased amt of ns guys...
hahahaha...
but they were shoRt man!!!
totAlly...
not to mention there was a shortage of cuties too..
music wasnt as good as usual...
they kept switching to n fro..
gRr..
but i got high...
or i think i did...
but i wus totally aware of wut i was doing..
lala.. mon n me...
haha.. we kept dirty dancing with each otheR!!
n with others as wEll..
threesome.. foursome.. fivesome??
u name it man.. Lol..
ooPx..
as usual.. lala was abussive...
this time with her bangleS...
she kept strangling me!!!
hahaha.. we were violent man...
n my top kept on dropping off..
dun think mon wus high...
we danced with so many pple...
i lost count man..
n it wus tiring....
mine knees hurt...
i figured it wus caz we were bending e whole night..
to make ourselves a lil shorter..
wahhahahahaz...
i wus in heels ma...
i had fun though....

pple all around me haf been commenting tt i have changed..
oh well... i admit i haf changed..
perceptions and thinkings are much much more open now..
can i say i grew up??
i used to not like clubbing...
but e onli thing i was against was smoking..
n till now.. i am still very against it...
those comments haf made me a lil irritated actuallie..
everyone sees me as e girl-next-door..
i dun drink i dun smoke i dun club..
suddenly i do all e above.. cept smoking..
huLlo.. if pple can take on new activities everyday..
y can't clubbing be a new activity??
i asked a friend if i haf changed..
he replied that dreams and aspirations change..
attitudes change.. thinkings change..
but as long as the way u treat matters and people don't..
u r still u ..
i wanna ask those who said i haf changed den..
did i change in e way i treat pple??
haf i become un-recognisable??
personally.. i dun think so..

i dunno what changed my thinking..
maybe it wus e whole experience of clubbin itself..
maybe it wus my course of study..
which haf opened me up.. alot..
maybe again.. it was exposure..
but wuteva reason it is..
change is constant.. permanently..
u cant expect someone to remain e same way..
i'm happie with who i am.. e way i am..
tt said.. i still welcome comments..
but i wudnt brood over it anymore..
bcaz.. if u rillie like me..
u'll accept me as i am.. flaws..changes and all..

clubbin ended with supper session at newton..
*winkx*
heard its da first time lala stayed sober enuff..
lol.. dumb girl..
pls remain sober enuff fer all future sessions..
tipsy shall be e limit fer us..

monday tml..
gonna haf advertising lesson.. first advert lesson..
heard lecturer is a no funny buisness woman..
eWww... spoils half e fun..
but shant judge by hearsay..
lookin forward..
dum dee dee dum ~~

phEw~

2004-11-19T18:27:00.000+08:00

i finally get to stay in bed for more than 6 hours!!
past few days have been....
tiring..
haha...
worked for mon's mommie...
packin sweets for dbs bank...
been tying ribbons on e packagings...
seriously..
think we can set a new guiness record man..
25 000 boxes..
imagine tt..
its hell..
which explains y i have been M.I.A from e virtual world e past week..
simply no energy at all...

sch's started on monday...
simply lurve it..
although not e part where i can't be late..
caz apparently my lecturer locks e doors after 15 mins..
sigh...
but tt aside...
projs were given out again..
Public Relations and Print Media..
been reading e Today paper??
check out sunny goh..
tt columnist is mine lecturer..
he's interesting.... *winkx*
his lessons are nice n fun..
PR is a lil dry...
caz everything is so idiot proof..
i wonder y we need a lecturer to teach us..

relations have improved with e new term..
no longer sense e animosity there...
peeps were much much more friendly..
n everyone is opening up..
oh well....
just makes me lurve e whole idea of mass communication more n more..
when u r willing to be friendly...
u realize how different things can be..
when u r willing to accept ppl as themselves..
u realize how easy things become..

went to black on wed with lala...
had a memorable time...
totaLly memorable..
did i mention i unforgettable?
tt silly girl... got herself wasted... shan't elaborate..
but its reelly interesting..
bcaz when i talk to her n ask if she's alright..
she talks coherently.. n ans logically..
but her actions got me all baffled..
n e next day...
she rems nothing...
ain't she interesting??
n as mon haf experienced...
i finally got a taste of being abused by lala.. not to mention bitten..
lol... n mon...
when she's awake n sober...
we shall bully her together..

today......
there's no sch... no work..
been slpin in e whole day..
its a wonder i dun bcome a pig..
even when e past week has been lack of slp n tiring..
i lurve it...
caz i dun haf spare time..
caz i am occupied....
maybe there'll come a point when i just want time to myself..
but now..
i dun mind being occupied..
dun mind having a packed schedule..

2004-11-13T00:11:00.000+08:00

introvert = narcissist??
well.. at least tt wus given to me when i looked up e online thesauras for another word in replace of narcissist..
funny..
but i really dun mind being an introvert...
how do extroverts live it up anyway??
how do u smile for others when u feel like shit inside??
how do u make other ppl's day shine when ur's is down in e dumps??
i look it up to those in e service line..
next time i go grumpy on a salesgirl with a blackface..
i'll think twice..

e girl is capable of self therapy as much as self infliction it seems..
or does it all lay in e mind??
e pyschological barrier is indeed un-surpassable...
n its no wonder some pple rake in big bucks...
just analysing tt gray mass up in tt skull of ours..

saying yes to dates and backin out last min seems to be a practice now..
everything crops up last min..
mine schedule is so erratic..
i myself dunno where i'll be what i'll be doing e next moment..
i hate it..
it doesn't feel good to know u've prob left ppl stranded with a planless day..
esp when u urself look forward to e date..
but he seems to have a knack at choosing e most 'perfect' day..
n he's yet added another country..
to e list i've sent him flying to..
all these practice makes me hesitant to say yes to dates..
saying no is so much easier..

work tml is at 9 am..
Singapore Godown..
no idea how to get there..
fingers crossed i wun get lost..
fingers crossed again..
hope work will be a breeze..

according to theories..
women are supposed to be talking creatures..
as enlightened by a friend who read books on men n women..
so am i a women??
bcaz when stuff happens...
i'll clam up n rather not tok about it..
i dun wanna say.. i dun wanna share..
leave me alone...
dun bug me.. dun ask me..
just leave me..
n i'll recover in no time..
tt is when i'm in depressed mode..
but once e meter goes red n i see anger..
give me a listenin ear anytime..
i'll make sure tt ear goes up in flames..
when i wanna tell u ... i wun hesitate..
when i dun.. and u asked once but met silence..
dun try again..
m i a man or woman??
or mabbe.. i'm a transexual..
how's tt?? cool..

scram..

numb

2004-11-12T15:55:00.000+08:00

i feel numb...
dunno what's wrong man..
screw mine brain..
which is y i hope sch will start like now..
i dun like ta haf free time..
i'll stone.. i'll think.. i'll wonder..
n my mind will wander...
i hate it..
i bcum paranoid..
i think too much..
i assume too much..
n i keep to myself too much..
i wud rather be busy...
so busy i have no time to think..
no time to eat ..
no time to stone..
i wanna be a robot..
just work work n work...
no off hours pls..
n i hate e silence...
music is blasting away at full vol..
deafening..
e silence tt comes after each song is deafening too..
so much so i cud hear my tots aloud..
n e sounds of da keyboard sound pathetic n monotonous..
its ringing in my ears..

oh fuck!!!!!!
sometimes i hate it that i think so much...
n i feel like i wanna keep myself away...
from everything..
for what?
i haf NO idea at all..
i dun feel like toking...
dun feel like entertaining...
dun feel like responding..
i sound so god damn depressed..
but i'm not depressEd!!!
i'm just.......
clueless man..
life will be so much simpler..
so much..
if u were a naive person who just listens..
just accept..
just do..
sometimes i act blur..
it feels good when pple assume u wun noe anything..
bcaz then..
no one has any expectations..
then..
u'll not be badgered..
can someone make me brain dead just so i'll stop thinking man....

away frOm civiLisatiOn~

2004-11-11T22:36:00.000+08:00

happy
happy

happy
tired
tired

tired

i went to pulau ubin today!!!!
oh orite... no big deal..
but i went with mom n dad..
oh man...
its seriously been AGES since we last had a family outing..
seriously ages..
n today happens to be their anniversary too..
got outta e house at 11 plus..
tt wus e earliest they managed to drag me outta bed..
went for brunch.. n took da train..
to tanah merah..
OMG...
its a helluva ride... sOo long!!!
lol...
den changed bus n finally ferry...
i sound dumb.. but it feels good on da ferry..
i wus standing at da end of da boat in e open..
e breeze wus like heaven man..
n i waved to pple on other boats..
muahahaha.. crazy girl...

ok anyway... we decided to cycle on e island..
else what's da point rite..
so we rented e bicycles..
cheap man.. $4 bucks for a whole day..
n we got good bikes..
all thanks to yours truly..
lalalalalala~
i only approached e youngest fella i cud see there okie..
think prob ard same age ba..
den i 'beg' him.. haha..
he's nice la.. gave us good bikes..
helped us check everything n pump air..
mommy wanted to see da temples..
so we went temple hunting.. haha

she got her wishie..
n we returned the bikes ard 5 plus caz it wus raining..
den went for dinner..
wus quite niceee~

we wanted to go off oredi... den we stopped by da beach..
pple were catching crabs n prawns n fishes..
da kinda small small ones..
hahaha.. it got us all excited..
so yea.. we joined in da fun..
got a whole bottle of prawns..
now in dad's tanks..
i wonder how long they can live..
with all da fishes eyeing them..

i saw mom n dad hold hands.. walkin along e beach..
e sight wus just very very nice...
i dunno.. but i wus touched..
n very happy...
n it certainly looked very romantic from where i was..
i wonder if i'll be able to do tt with my husband..
n seriously.. come to think of it..
mom n dad are still very loving..
*sighs of envy*

i m gonna go slack...
till later den...

scrEwed

2004-11-10T23:47:00.000+08:00

fuck it big time
its so not my day today
first i had ta meet qian at 1 at batok ..
i wus late caz i fell aslp on my bro's bed..
when i wus all ready to get out of the house..
someone came to view e house!!
argH..
i meet qian onli at 2..

freak tired day...
got stuck in da saloon with debb..
waited for qian to dye her hair purple..
it looks cool boy..
but main point was..
it took a freakin long time!!!!
if i had a pillow there n then..
i swear i'd haf fallen aslp..

met sam n vin...
ok vin came along caz he 'happened' to be in town..
his hair is interesting..
lol..
sam's hair wus too short...
caz he just had it cut.. for army photo..
hehehe..
n i owas seem to be telling him..
" hair will grow.. its ok.."
every single time i see him..
weIRdd...

qian was persuading me not to go to work..
i wus wavering..
but i noe its damn irresponsible..
n i'm freakin hell working..
not playing..
so oh well..
tough luck lady..
we'll catch up at cream some other time orite..
in e end she had to go home alone..
i'm sorrie..

went ta work..
n e most embarassing thing ever happened..
mine shoe got stepped on..
n it brokE!!!!!!
e strap broke..
e culprit was this seriously overweight auntie who apparently doesn't watch where she goes!!!
i wus soo irritated..
n she had the cheek to say sorry n just left me..
in that fuckin pathetic state!!
boy is she evil....
anyway... i called debb to scream..
got cut off..
i called qian to scream..
haha..
n i wus one noisy bitch walking along barefooted..
imagine da scene man..
but when i got to e office i felt immediately better...
its either i look rillie pathetic or pissed...
or all of them r really nice guys..
mine collegues brought me water.. brought me a chair.. a cushion..
one even asked me..
i go over to amara to get u one pair?? they haf charles n keith there..
aWww.... sooo sweet rite!!
i gave them e sweetest smile i could muster in my bad mood man..

oh wEll.. rest of work wus peaceful..
tml is gonna be mom n dad's 20th anniversary..
mom n dad..
may u guys be as loving still...n till e grave not part..

tired tired tired tired
bye

2004-11-08T11:55:00.000+08:00

SWEET TEEN!!! Yes you are a teenager mmmm from 13
- 19 quite a little rebel haha just kidding...
You think as a teenager, you see everything
quite simple, soon you will realize it is not
that simple. In my opinion you look at things
in a very beautiful way. =)

. What is you inner age?
brought to you by Quizilla

siCk!! crAp..

2004-11-07T21:57:00.000+08:00

oh crAp...
m i weak?? or m i weak man..
i got siCk!!!
mornin i got back from black..
slpt a few hourS... n i got feveR..
all da way till 38.8..
oh shyt..
i wus feelin like a dead zombie lor..
i think i reelly cannot take it..
hahaha...
recovered today anyway...
got a jab at da doc's..
caz when i woke it wus 39 degrees...
damn pain e jab.. dum dum doc..

but i wasnt feelin too good also..
kinda no energy..
siGh..
stuck at home da whole day..
bored to da bones..
worSe..
with me feeling like shyt..
gRrrRr...

i dunno if i shud take it as it happen..
but i guess for now i'll take it tt it didn't happen,..
pple do weird things when they r drunk anyway..

i'm gonna slp soon le..
yEss... i'm startin to slp earlie again..
lolx..

i'm super cravin for chips now... someone pls gif it ta me..

lala is goin ta KL tml..
woman.. did u bring 2 extra empty suitcaseS??
hahaha.. dun buy e whole KL down yea..
njoy yaselF.. good lucks fer shopping..
take care tho o'rite..
dun get snitched..
*fingers crosSed*
dun get annoyed either.. *winkx*

till later~

pArty tIme!!

2004-11-06T11:41:00.000+08:00

yawnX...
onli slpt like 5 hrs..
but cudn't slp anymore...
anyhoW.. i'm still one tired lady herE...

yest's paper wus somehow a breeze too...
at least compared to what i imagine..
i used my GP knowledge...
thank god for GP..
after tt accompanied vanda to get her clothes..
tt is a tiring process man..
she'll try n try n try.. n says dun like leh..
e ones she bought??
she dun try.. gRrr..
weirD woman..

anyhow.. went down town to collect lala's cake..
i just hafta bitch..
i went down earliEr..
all alone!!!
wanna surprise her with da cake..
e stupid bouncer at black gave me away!!
i soooo wanna kill him..
efforts all wastEd.. i wus seriously pissed tt time man..
oh wEll...

I had a really great time... wEEee...
but i didn't get overly high...
not like missy lala..
forEver...
saw qingyang!!!!!!!!!!!
i hugged him!!!! hehehehe...
he's soo cute..
i brought him cake while he was on da dance floor..
n this song came up.. i forgot what song..
but it got everyone hyped up..
he looked so comical tryin ta eat e cake..
muahahahaha...
rainel went there too...
but didn't tok to him or c much of him...

whole night long i wus dancing with ed..
quite closely... =X really quite closely...
i dunno what got into me man...
seriously not my usual self..
but i've been thinking..
is tt my usual self?? e reAl me.. or??
caz i dun feel farnie at all....
if its not u .. u shud feel funny ritE??
n i got dragged on e podium by them!!!!!
aRgHhh....
hmmm.. but as mon says..
e experience ain't tt bad at all.. haha..
but last night was an experience man..
i think da whole club noticed us..
we were takin photos away on da dance floor..
with flashes here n there..
n lala kept wanting to squeeze into e crowd!!!
it wus sardine packed man..
oh but who caRes!!
hehx..

i got home at round 6.....
starving man..
m still starving noW...
n tired!!
i want fOood.......

fooood fooood pls!!!

queStions n moRe qUestions..

2004-11-04T23:47:00.000+08:00

i m beginning to think tt...
we r communicating thru blogs..
lol..
went ta work..
work wus fun fun today..
everyone talked to me..
n they made me laugh e whole time..
they haf weird jokes.. n lusty ones..
haha..
i'm like da xiao mei mei there..
had three appointments..
which made e day's collection at $35..
not bad at all..

hAPpIE bUrfDay LaLa!!!

woman... its ya sweet 19th.. rock da world...
n plsSs.. be more maturEe!!!!
haha.. enjoy yaself yea..
n i MISS u bigtime...

actuaLli.. i wanted to blog more..
but i decided not to...

puRe n sImplE

2004-11-04T08:49:00.000+08:00

risE n shine!!
i literally just woke up..
with my ' i just woke up' hair..
lol..
i look cute.. =X
went ta bed at 11 plus last nite..
immediately after my shower..
n wondeRs of all wondeRs..
i fell asleep immediately..
didn't bother comin online yest..
caz i know i wun get ta talk to him..
so i didnt blog too..

exams were..................
so damn OK!!
lol.. *beams*
n to think i wus havin wet palms n quickened heartbeats..
anyway... i got outta e room 1 hr earlier..
so yea.. i had abit more time den expected..
n i cud finish my stuffs!!...
weLl.. more or less i gueSs..

had my hair cut!!!!
uMm.. nothing drastic la..
i wanted to keep my hair long ma..
but fringe is shorter.. n the hair on top is... short...
loL..
n i got a whole lot of hair thinned of!!
oh wuteva..
quite ok le.. hehx..

yest wus freak irritatin..
wut's with e dumb weather..
gRr..
on my way to work..
when i got outta the station..
it started raining heavily!!
n i had no umbrella..
but i had no choice.. i wus gonna be late..
so i went to work.. totaLly drenched..
n i sat in tt air - con room for near 3 hours..
shivering e whole damn time..
but other than tt..
woRk wus... typical..
how different can telemarketing get??

wokE up to two messageS...
one from ed..
and it says..

" help!! your dear friend is drunk and behaving stupidly.."

0.o
missy lala.. now what haf u been up To??
gonna lay my hands on ya buTt.. tml!!
haha.. i wus quite amused when i read e msg actuallie..
oh i haven gotten any updates on her stupid behavior..
but i just hope she's alright..

girLs mean what they saY....
at least for me...
but girls rillie do haf an obsession wif hidden meanings..
u dun expect us to come out right!!
dum dum vin..

cHiLL...
its rillie kinda weirD.. i wonder wat it is i'm experiencing..i had this sudden impluse to go down just to meet up.. but my brains got better of me.. n i followed my brain instead..someone told me..when u go to bed with him and wake up with him in ya mind..tt's it..umm..but how did this even happen??we dun even go out..least not recently at all..oooh..its so unpredictable..n no wonder the L word is a strange strange thing.. i wonder if he knows..tho i think i've been quite direct with him.. mayb he thinks it usual..

bugGed~

2004-11-02T18:13:00.000+08:00

Bored : To make weary by being dull, repetitive, or tedious
this is as quoted from dictionary.com..
its no wondEr i've been feeling jaded
repetitive muggin attempts...
n did i mention e tedious process..
*wearY*
perfect symptoms of a bored lil gal..

e little dude came home today with good news..
which met skeptical looks..
how totally encouraging..
e news??
social studies paper wus a breeze..
e response??
eyebrows raised.. glances exchanged.. moment of silence...
pull ur act together folks..
shudn't such news be met with words of approval or encouragement??
or at least smiles???
oh weLL...
e lil prince will hafta redeem himself with results..
black n white shown on paper..
for seeing is believing..
n my folks are staunch followers of tt..

i fouled up..
but e more u ask tt question...
e more i've gotta tell u ..
i rillie dun haf anything for u..
time shows.. time tells..
my attitude reveals all..
i'm sorry..
what's not there... is still not there.. n will not be there..
n friends we'll remain..

execution day tml..
busy schedule foreseen..
lotsa stuff to be done..
lotsa places to go to..
work's starting..
exam's officially here..
i wonder..
at which hour will i be able to plonk myself in this exact sit tml..
n will i be able to tok to the one i want to..
first thing on da agenda..
squeeze time out for a badly needed haircut..

Au resvoir~

CraVingS

2004-11-01T20:05:00.000+08:00

i crave... i crave... i crave... pAsta!!!!
....n........
steAks... saLmon.. bla bla

i realised tt when i study...
i eat!! alOt...
haha..
when i dun study..
i can go one whole day on one meal..
but when i need ta study..
i neEd thrEe meals..n more!!
n like a pregnant woman..
i haf lotsa cravinGs!!!
fer e past week..
i keep craving for all sorTs of fOod!!
omg omg omg..
this is soo not good news...
examS pls get over n done with!!!

i m quite frEe actuallie..
loLx..
hmmm.... done with muggIng..
just hafta flip flip flip n flip ..
keep flippin n keep readin oVer n Over again..
caZ...
i haf a memory of 3 secs...
which doesnT help!!!!!
=X

just got a call...
tml no woRk!!
they want me ta start on wEd insteaD..
7 pm..
which is NOT good newS!!
caz i m goNna be busy after my papeR on wEd..
papeR ends at 5..
which means i onLie haf like 2 hrS???
how ta do my stuFf!!!!
panIc mOde...
gRrr......

pAnda sYndROme~

2004-11-01T15:30:00.000+08:00

YawNx...
woke up at 630 today..with someone in mind..
doHx..
i wus gonna make sure he cud wakiE..
wEll.. he cud..but went back to slp after awhiLe..
lOlx...
siLLy boY..
got late caz he spent too much time in da toileT..
aunt wus printing some stuffs in da room..
so i cudn't get back ta dreamland..
must as well get up..

e usual..
attempts to mug..

after i bathed...
i wus starin at da mirror in moi room..
oH gaWD..
i look like a frEakin panda!!!
no jokE man...
i'm oFficially suffering from da panda syndrome..
n come to think of it..
i've got myself to blame fer slping so late every night..
yaWnx...
i haTe e daRk circles...

and so i DECLARE...

i'm gonna get off da com n go slp by 1030 every nighT...
at least da whole of this wEek..
oh alritE... NO later den 11pm..
buT...
i'll miss tokin on msn...
siGh....

oh nvm~
there's a priCe to pay fer everything...
n i seriousLy dunnit da dark circles...

changeD da pic in da bloggiE...
nicEee ritE!!!
i just lurve heR eyes...
wOoo..
nonsEnse.. hahahaz..
oh.. n i spent like 1 houR...
browsing thru smilies..
and dling them..
loLx..

it just hit me tt i hafta woRk tml!!!
first day of work...
hopE everything goes well...

miss miss miss ... *bleAhx*

bOreD~

2004-10-31T14:40:00.000+08:00

gOod afternoon!!
in a good mood..
went ta bed last night with a smile..
woke up with a smile too!!
its feels great..
loLx..
but i'm bored now..

tried facin da books..
e alphas dun realli seem ta register with me today..
exam's two days away..
buck up!!!
i'm alone at home...
auntie n bro went to cut their haiR..
worse ..
i cant get outta e house even if i wanted to...
someone's comin ta view e housie in e late afternoon..
shud i make e whole house messy??
so they wudnt like my house..
n when we cant sell e house..
we wun hafta movE!!!!!
*evil toTs*

i wus so bored i went ta take an IQ test..
http://www.highiqsociety.org/flash/nonmembers/iqtests.htm
e ULTIMATE IQ TEST...
guess moi scorE??
i owas knew i wus a lil cleverer..
muahahha...
i scored 130!!!!!
N......
i fall in da gifted range!!!!
m i clever?? or am i....clever..
wahhahahahaz....
=D
sEe seE...
i'm so proud of moiselF..
but the test is long tho...
35 questions..
by e time i got to da 8th ques..
i wus freakin impatient..
=X

been starin at da phone...
but it's soo silent..
can da light on it blink sooon pweAsee...

inteResting....
according to quizilla...
i like boy-next-door type of guyS...
hMmmm....
kinda true i gueSs..
i dun go fer guys who smoke n drink..
party freaks... think thrice..
i like guys with intellect..
guys who make me smile.. no matter how down i am.. hehx..
guys who like kiddos.. n animals..
i m freak scared of cats n dogs tho..
guys who treasure their girls..
n their families...
*grinX*
tt's how bored i m.. to think bout stuff lidat..
quizilla is realli quite entertainin tho...

its rEelly time to hit da books..

aT peAce~

2004-10-30T20:47:00.000+08:00

cudn't sleep last night....
again..
sigh..
but i think its not bcax of stress..
i think its bcaz i m suddenly stress free..

clearheaded....
found e ans..
left u behind..
realised ur's is an impreachable world..
no longer stagnant in my mind..
moving on...
*beams*

caz of a slpless night...
henceforth i wus awake at 7 in da mornin..
n at 7 in da morn..
everyone is kinda still snoozing away..
its a saturday afterall..
so it wus quiet...serene...
it was nice..
i stood at my balcony... n stared..
e breeze was nice too..
lotsa stuff went through my mind..
pple too..
e wee hrs in da morn is a nice time ta ponder upon stuff..

by 8 plus??
i wus muggin away..
super efficient today..
mabbe caz e tv was spoilt..
there were no distractions..
very pleased with my progress today.. *smileX*

bought a top from ebse yest..
its nice..
but not what i wud wear .. haha..
but oh..
wat e hell..
i just bought it..
lala says its nice..
i will wear it.... at least once.. loLx..

auntie bought e straightener cream today..wella..
dun ask me y..
she just permed not long ago...
now she decides she's had enuff of curly hair..
but backfired..
her hair got more damaged den ever..
n stil quite as curly..
so tml she's gonna go chop of her tresses..
daMn.. her hair is lonG!!
she's gonna chop it all off!!
n here i m tryin to haf my hair grow faster..
does pullin my hair everyday helps??

oh.. i need a haircut..

*poutX*

in heAveN

2004-10-30T01:21:00.000+08:00

hehehehe....
i can't stop grinning..
*grinx*
someone wipe tt grin off my face...
i dunno y... i feel soo relieved.. soo happie.. sooo
in hEaven!!
today i met lala.. *muackieXXxx*
i'm owas high when i meet her..
we went for da job interview together...
at tanjong pagar.. part-time evenin job..
ten bucks per hr tho..
wEee..
peeps.. STOP askin me y all my jobs pay such a good price..
nice pple get nice jobs.. Oopx.. =X
but lala didnt receive any call.. i dunno if she'll get it..
sorrie lala.... maybe i wus too talkative oredi..

halloWeen paRty.. she wanna go.. i dun!!
lolx.. can't make her change her mind..
so in da end i left her outside pacific..
n i went home alone...
but i wasn't lonely at all!!!
caz someone accompanied me thru sms..
pple get addicted to drugs...
will pple get addicted to pple??
*ponders*

i haf exactly 5 more days to my exams...
counting down...
seems kinda scary now... lolX..
gonna stay home e whole weekend ...
ta study...
n gueSs what...
my dear mr television broke down..
what a time..
come to think of it tho...
this gives me no excuse to be distracted...
n daddy dun plan to fix it anytime soon..
gRrrRrrr....

i m grinnin too much to do anything...
*grinx*

haPpieE~

2004-10-29T01:35:00.000+08:00

i realised i am back to my routine...
MSN everynight..
i stopped for awhile... but now i m back again..
haha.. n its like a routine..
i tok to the same pple.. specifically..
*smilex*

i studied today also... bit lesser than yest..
today's papa's birthday!!! 28th oct tt is..
i realise its past e hour oredi..
went for dinner with him..
tt's bout it..
every yr.. mommy gets more attention..
i wonder y..
when its mommies birthday..
everyone makes it a point to make an issue of it..
pooR daddy...*muacks*
i love u daddy...
to me..
he's e best husband.. n e best daddy there is on earth..
even if i owas quarrel with him..
even when i owas complain bout him..
i still love him.. Lots.. lots.. n lots..
n i rillie miss e family outings we used to have...
mommie daddie.. can we all go for a holiday soon??
sigh...
but i think it'll be difficult..
all our timings clash...esp daddie's..

halloween party at black tml.. Missy lala asked me to go..
sorry girl.. i gonna give it a miss..
i haf exams next week..
n clubbin rillie aint my thing u noe..
*huggiEX*

wus supposed to meet up with weihong and lala tonight..
but e busy boy has training..
he is rillie one busy guy..
i haven seen him since he's back!!!!
onli heard his voice.. he ah..
got girlfriend dowan me le huh!!
loLx..

everyone around me is starting their attachment le..
but i dunno y no one seems happy bout it..
is it really not a thing to look forward to??
haha.. anyway..hope they haf an experience they'll rem..

gonna cut short.. so someone can go to bed..
dun hafta acc me.. *smilex*
and anyway nothing much has happened..
its e muggin season for me..

i reEeeelly wanna go shopping..

muG mUg Mug

2004-10-27T22:50:00.000+08:00

i studied today!! gooDie girl...
alritEe... its kinda my responsibility..
haha... someone told me he'll give me a reward if i study..
buTt.. i onli accomplished 4 chaps today..
do i still get e rewaRd?? :P

anyway... went out with vincent n weiqi today..
vin wus bored eh.. so he asked me out for movie..
since at wm onli.. okie lorr..
come to think of it... know him sooo many years..
first time watch movie with him..
loLx.. as in me and him la..
weiqi didnt join in.. tt buggEr..
sooo many excuses...
we caught the manchurian candidate...
i think its niCEee...
its like a thrilleR..
n it makes u think n guess what's going on..
i like movies like tt ..
but vin said its a lil borinG...
loLx..
i think he's too sian to think oredi..
his attachment startin next week and stuff..
think he's feelin kinda bored..
when i met him and weiqi..
e two of them were like freakin zombies..
like wanna die like tt!!!!
issit rillie soo borinG??
so i dragged them to e arcade.. and we played tt game..
u noe...
e one on da table.. its has plastic pucks..
i dunno what its called le..
den u hafta hit it to and fro.. in an attempt to goal??
but i owas haf fun playin it.. i like to play tt..
hehex..
n e game kinda loosened them up abit i gueSs..

i had a tummy upset near e end of e show...
mood spoileRr!!!!!
i missed e ending.. sigh..
but i dunnoe whats wrong with me...
den vince wanted to send me home.. on his vespa..
so i wus like.. eRr.. ok lor..
but.... but...
his bike died!!!! lol..
something to do with e spark plug or something..
is this fate???
haha.. but i guess there'll be other chances ba..

tml's daddy's birthdaY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

byEbye~

exam stRess

2004-10-26T17:26:00.000+08:00

went to watch the cool guy last night with dan...
somehow.. something seems to be missing..
at least on my part...
*shrugx.. i haf no idea where this'll lead to..
anyhow...
i declare....
my usually half active brain is now dead..
mine usual 3 seconds memory has now dwindled down to 0 seconds..
in effect.. i dun remember ANYTHING!!!
oh gosh... i read this page.. turn to the next..
what's on e prev page???
i neEd seriouS help... can anything get me a lil motivated??
i just msged my sweetie... haha..
also crammin for exams..
also not concentratin v well?? but at least better than me le..
jiayou eh darlin~~

aiyoh..i'm so in need of an overhaul..
no.. correction...
i need therapy.....
shopping therapy!!!!!!!
i need ta shop till i drop... i need ta laugh till i cry..
i need ta bitch.. need ta complain..
i need hugs.. big big hugs..
just give me one of those sessions..
i promise after tt i'll sit down .. n be a good lil girl..
but.......
no chance of tt happening...
everyone's crammin for exams..
arGhh...

maybe stayin home rillie aint a good idea..
orite.. if i can wake tml.. i'll get my ass out to e library..
maybe jurong library.. i haven been there since it reopened..
i wanna eat mochi!!!!
its my new fav food... sooo nice...
fine fine....
i shall stop thinkin bout eating..
rillie need to get my ass outta e seat in front of e com..
i shall go start studying...
bit by bit... as promised okiee ..
:)

chiLl~~

Pain pAin..

2004-10-25T14:46:00.000+08:00

aHhh.. i have been putting off blogging for so long now..
writer's block?? i guess blogger's block exist too..
soo many things have happened.. i rillie dunnoe when to start..
mabbe lets start with my job interview ya..

tt day went to starbucks..
filled up application form..
then tt person told me...
"in case u dunnoe.. our pay is $4 per hr"
0.0
first tot: what!!
haha.. i didnt expect it to be tt low.. i tot min $4.50 or something..
ok.. mabbe my expression says it all.. or my normally big eyes turned bigger den usual..
but she said she'll get e manager to call me..
and it wus a call tt never came..
oh well.. just as well.. i'll look in other places den..

then on monday.. exactly a week ago..
i met up with qian.. tt dumb girl.. LATE!!
but anyway.. she's forever late when she meets me..
i owas have to end up walkin alone before her call comes..
and somehow we owas end up wearing similar clothes these few times we meet up.. haha..
we went for some quick shoppin..
i didnt get anything..
not rillie in da mood lor..
i super miss debb.. super..
without her.. we arent the three crazy girls..
haha.. sigh..gotta meet her up real soon..
else i'll die of boredom...
tt night me and qian went down to cream bistro to sit..
over at pacific plaza.. she works there..
den... i told her i wanna work there too..
$5.5 per hr.. waitress.. y not??
she told me its tough..
but seriously.. i take pride in being a girl who ain't tt kinda weak weak princess..
although i may haf an attitude.. but come down to tough stuff.. i still can hold on..
but i like ta complain .. wahahahz..
yea anyway.. nothing turned out from there also..
reason being tt e manager says i'll go on to other jobs after my course..
she doesn't want to train a newbie and noe she'll leave in a few months..
fine fine.. sigh..

anyway.. nothing much happened during the week..
fri wus presentation for MMR...
had a 24 over 30.. wEll..
kinda good i guess..
but i wus kinda disapointed.. caz i tot we were more than prepared for this one..
i expected a much better mark..
even 25 wud haf made a difference to me..
classmates said i haf too high expectations..
*shrugX*
anyway highest was 26 n lowest was 18??
so i'm glad i belonged to the higher part.. lolX

highlight of e week has gotta be saturday...
finally.. after a yr.. i dragged my ass out for a squash session..
tt's how long i haven touched e game..
n its all thanks to siang wei tt i got to exercise.. haha
he said his friends wanna play..
me and sharon went along..
been like supa long since i saw sharon.. caught up with her..

we missed out on diana though.. she's in auzzie..
sigh.. we used to be the 1 2 3 of the club..
caz our jersey numbers were 1 2 n 3 .. lolx..
and on thurs night i was tokin to diana on MSN..
both of us reminiscing...
and it felt good to go back to e past...
at tt point of time back then.. we were all plagued by A levels exam stress..
but now tt u come to think of it.. u will wonder how e hell u held out..
n u'll be soo glad for havin such great friends there for u ..
glad tt all e stress u went through wasnt for nothing..
in e least... u found pple whom haf shared the exact same experience with u ..
n for me.. i rillie treasure these pple..
i've come to realise tt everyone walks into my life for a purpose..
no matter how small a role they play..
u get to lrn from them..
u mature with each person u interact with..

last sat.. e day i went for starbucks interview..
i met up with eunice and yuanhao.. both long time ago friends..
both long time no see friends..
but the thing is..
e moment i saw eunice..
it was chatter non-stop..
even after soo long.. we realli had no prob toking..
bout anything..
n come to think of it.. i do everything with this girl..

eunice seow hui wen.. lolX..
e first time we met was in granton.. working.. den after tt got O level results..
e thing is.. both wanted to go poly for mass comm.. in e end both got persuaded to go JC..
both ended up in JC...
both Took the Same combination...
both had a same cca.. drama..
both scraped thru e A's (not a gd point i guess) ..
both worked for Loreal and maybelline after A's..
both decided to go for private degrees in spore..
both enrolled for MASS COMM..
gaWd.. and its all coincidental..
sometimes.. u rillie cant believe there's fate in this world..
lolx..

just two days ago.. i met him.. after squash session..
went for movie..
2046..
-_-
its like soooooooo erm.. dumb??
ok.. let's give it some credit.. its not really dumb.. but its really freakin slow..
it felt like 4 hours in there..
dan even felt like slping.. he wanna leave.. but i didnt.. haha
i wanted to watch e whole thing to find out whats goin on ma..
ok.. generally its about a writer.. tony leung.. who writes a story based on e life imiagination and memories.. titled 2046..
e numbers dun stand for a yr.. its a place..
a place where everyone goes in search of memories..
and in this place.. things dun change..
in ur memories.. things remain the way u want them to rite??
yea.. so its e main point..
den e whole show is about how he in e story.. is a playboy..
has many many sexy pretty girls..
bla bla...
but one thing i rem very clearly from the show...

"everyone travels to 2046..but everyone takes a different time to come back.. some long.. some short.. "

ok.. its kinda direct translation from chinese.. lolx.. so translate it back to chinese..
u'll see how beautiful it is..
i rillie liked this quote..
its true aint it.. everyone will go back in search of pretty nice moments..
even bad moments in e past..
bcaz sometimes.. e past is all u haf to hold on to..

and i m ... holding on to certain memories...
very very tightly..
i'll nv let go of these memories..

after e movie i went to east coast to meet up mommie for dinner..
dan drove me there.. so..
mommie saw him.. haha..
mommie had good impression... wooo..
i dunnoe what tt means...
but anyway... ya.. things are going smoothly..
i'm still undecisive though.. and i miss him..i rillie do..
but i am not doin anything about it..
in fact i think i am shrinking away..
for some reason or other which i can't provide..
sometimes i wish humans dun haf emotions.. dun haf feelings..
wouldn't it be ideal to live a life tt of a stepford wife??
no expectations or ideals to live up to.. it can all be programmed..
lolx..
but i guesss... tt's e main reason y we r all living.. 'huo sheng sheng de ren'

wow.. long entry ya.. i haf lots more to write actualli...
but i am kinda tired..
mabbe i'll continue tonight..
now.. i'm gonna bathe and prepare..
meetin dan for the cool guy..
chiLl..

+cLeveR lil mE+

2004-10-14T19:50:00.000+08:00

*beams* *beams*
haha... m satisfied with myself today!!
first.. i managed to drag myself up for class..
i actually planned not to go...
but somehow this thing in me just pulled me up n i vathed got dressed bla bla..
reached sch.. there were exams going on.. SHhhHhh..
den i tot of my own exams.. DAMN.. less than a week away..
and guess what.. i checked when i reached home....
one paper is on 5th nov... yes.. tt fateful day..
major things OWAS happen on this day.. tt day i wus just commenting to Ms. lala.. haha..
but dun worriE.. i'll make a presence no matter what..

e highlight today right.....
i got back my proj on journalism skills...
i got a good.. which falls in the 23-24 range..
over 30 marks..
*beams*
orite orite.... it aint a good grade la..
but take into account i spent a total of like 5 hours on it??
i started the proj like onli the night before e dateline...
so i'm reaLly quite proud of myself man..
aWw.. this is getting to my head..
haha..

i am gonna look for part time jobs...
i wanna work at starbucks..
dun ask me why.. first.. no fastfood restaurants.. they suck..
second.. i dun mind being a waitress... but...
aiyah.. somehow workin at starbucks just appeals to me..
i know it will be fun.. and i can get to lrn also..
workin hours are quite flexi.. so y e hell not...
and i rEeeelly dun mind e extra cash..
loL..
gonna go to town tml to look ard..
and directly apply le..
wish me luck man.. think they'll like me to be part of them??

*hopeful*

fUckinG pIssEd

2004-10-13T14:05:00.000+08:00

*WARNING* this is a major ranting entry.. a MAJOR one..

oh gaWd.... i can't believe such doltish pple exist on earth man..
i am frIggIng PISSED man..
i went to sch for like a total of 15 mins..
YES!!! tt wus how dumb it was..
it takes me 40 mins to travel there..
n all i did wus to show him our reporT..
fuck man..
all those who said they were gonna turn up somehow bailed out..
they managed to conveniently infer from my absence in class yesterday tt i wud not turn up today also..
proj mate?? sick.. down with heat rash..
orite .. fine.. i'll be understanding on that..
but i still dont see the point in asking me to go down all e way when u could have showed him everything yesterday..

showed him e report.. e textual analysis was totally wrong!!!
i wasn't the one who did it??
u were the one who said u wanna do it caz u liked to analyse..
scram man.. its all wrong!
and u said u consulted jailani...
did i forget to mention u told me yest he approved it?!?!
either jailani has some major brain dysfunction or he doesnt like me...
he was practically askin me to re-do the whole textual analysis..
i was waiting for u to redeem urself in this proj.. granted tt u did the textual..
since it wus a huge ol' chunk of e report..
but no!!!!
u had to make me look at u in disgust once again..
i dun understand y u cant get things right man..
i edit the written report.. i edit the presentation..
i do practically everything!!!! y do i even need u as proj mate!!??
somehow when it comes to u + project i feel damn screwed..
seriously.. u make things .... impossible to complete!!!!

i know i am e slacker who feels there's no rush to start on e proj until two weeks before the dateline..
but Puh-leAze!!!!! if u were half as efficient as i tot u were...
one week wud have been enough??
if only u look like the dunderhead u are man..
y is it tt u sound astute in normal day conversationS??
or is it that u r really just a quintessential mat cum flibbertigibbet??
mabbe if i examined ur brain... it has connections to ur eyes and nose.. to sniff and look out for scandals....
ok.. tt was mean..

i am proud of myself actually... for being able to keep my cool..
i said not one mean word to her..
in fact....
i wus nicer than usual.... which made her pay some notice i think..
paranoia exists in every single person man..
when pple r exceptionally nice... u start to think something's not quite right...
*eyes roLling*
anyway.. i m once again stuck with e workload..
does fairness even exist??

*heaves a sigh of relief*
now i feel much much better...
although if i had her picture.. blown life sized..
it wud have been ecstatic to throw a few things at her..
hahaha... oh boy.. i m an evil ass..
wEll...
dont get on my nerves and i'll be an angel to u ...

lookin forward to tonight... meeting him for dinner..
but i dun wanna get outta the house...
soo typical rite.. laziness is in my bones man..

peace out!

conFusEd

2004-10-10T11:49:00.000+08:00

i kinda just woke up half an hour ago.. damn pig..
when u miss a night of slp.. it takes a few days to get it back man..
but i forsee missing sleep my future.. haha..
i am soo gonna pack my room today..
mom's been complainin about the mess..
and last nite it hit me tt it wus a mess man..
i wus standing at e door of moi room and just starin into e room..
somehow when u r in the mess itself.. u nv realise..

woo.... i m confused man..
just barely three weeks ago...
i suddenly contacted this person whom i dun even tok to in e past??
all thanks to friendster...
anyway.. i wus being friendly...
but things took a turn i never expected..
we went out on dates and stuffs..
he confessed yest...
damn..
tt made me soo confused??
although i must admit being with him feels good..
somehow i feel comfortable..
and he just makes me feel loved and wanted??
haha... whatever..
noe e shit about being loved better than loving someone??
yea...
i dunnoe..... i told him no.. i need time..
i dun wanna jump into a relationship man..
and anyway... rite now i dun even noe where my heart lies..
and i am not sure if i wanna forgo singlehood
but he's one nice guy though..

read sam's blog..
lotsa unexpected things really happen in life...
and sometimes these things make u think twice about hestitating on something..
dammit.. just go ahead and do it!
but how many of us dun actualli think twice when we wanna do something??
sigh...
life is one fragile lil thing ...

pple around me seem to be screwed over heart matters...
quite a few of them in fact...
is it really true tt we can't live w/o the opp sex??
so much for advocating individual independence.. lolx..
earth is just a weird place to be in.. *shrugX*

moMmie is e grEaTeSt..

2004-10-07T21:56:00.000+08:00

right... slpt at 3 plus last night.. woke up at 630..
for two nights in a row i haven been slpin..
i seriously look like shit man..
today had presentation.. think compared to the other groups.. we deserve an A man..
haha... too thick skinned?? mabbe..
but i shall put it down to having confidence..
i fiddled with e stuff and added animation and music..
soo tiring.. and last nite Sam helped me alot..
but e poor boy has a headache..
aWww...
are u alright now sweetie?? hope u r yea.. *hugX*

after sch went for tuition...
dAmn.. i fell aslp during the ride.. and i mean ASLEEP..
i actually slpt pass my station!!!
gaWd.. this hasnt happen since sec sch??
haha... so embarassing man.. caz i woke up at jurong..
its da interchange.. where everyone alights??
but this girl here looks like shw just came from dreamland..
loLx... sigh.. see what happens when i dun get slp??

went for tuition.. as usual.. i came out bloodleSs...
even her mom agrEe with me...
seriouSly.. she's lazy ...
tml's her sci exam and she doesnt know a single thing!!!!
i told her mum this doesnt work.. she haf gotta memorise..
so i left after a 1 hour session..
her mom asked me to teach her next yr also...
i told her ok.. but upper sec 150... wahhaahaz...
she agrEed!!!1
alrite... i'll just put more effort into teaching her okie..

yest something happened.. it touched my heart..
mom came home..

mom: what happen?? u sick ah??
me: no lah.. so healthy..nothing to do ma..
mom:* came over and touch my forehead* whay u look so pale?? and your dark circles.. what have u been doing??

haha.. mommiEe.. i have been a good girl!! studyinG!!!
welL... tt wus exactly what i told her.. haha..
she said she'll cook some stuff for me...
it feels great to know tt even at 19 she still cares for me like a lil girl?? though at times when she nags i get irritated..
aHhhh... mommie ish da greatest.. i luRve heRr sooo much..

she's cute also u noe.. i think i really have a cute mum..
she picked up some calls for me.. they were guys..
she saw me constantly messaging on my phone.. she came to a conclusion ...
that i haf a boyfriend..
she came to me and asked me.. i stared at her and said..
i am attached la.. got bf i'll tell u ..
den she started on this prep talk about how i should try different guys while i am young..
she actually taught me to be a flirt!!!! wahahahahz...
and she told me what kinda different guys there were and stuff.. haha..
she's soo cute right?!?!
i wus like laughing away... and she said .. dun laugh.. i am teaching u .. loLx...

i just lurve her man...
anyway... i am like soooo deprived of sleep... i shall go slp now.. ZZzzz

chiLL

=)

2004-10-05T01:35:00.000+08:00

just got home and bathed...
i am soo freaking tired man..
supposed to do up my proj..
due on wed.. thurs there's presentation..
havent done a single thing??
haha.. but now.. i totally dun feel like doing it at all...
no mood to do proj la!!

quite interesting la today...
sch ends at 12.. i reached class at....
11.25 ...
NEVER in my life wud i imagine myself to be tt late for claSs!!!
but now tt it has happen.. oh well..
reasons are justified ok..
i wus rushing proj earlie in da morn??
5 plus woke up le.. and i slpt at 3 lor..
been slping an avg of like 4 hours everyday??
anyway after sch wus in town to do proj with classmate...
one freakin call from bf.. she left me alone..
what the.....
nvm.. got bf owas lidat one..
but i SWEAR i won't do tt..
i wont leave my friend all alone man.. if it wus a group den i'll leave..
but if she's alone.. NV..
but tt's not a probbie.. haha.. caz i m a swinging singlE!!
anyway i wus left in town la..
actualli wanted to go home.. but.. but...
i am going ta rainel's birthday celebration..
so kinda dumb ..go home den come out to da same place again..

HappiE birThdAy daRlinG!

i miss him lor... i think the last time i missed someone soo much.. was weihong..
but its a totally different kinda miss...
weihong ish moi broTheR!! hehx..
i feel like just hugging him and not let go..
loLx.. crazy le..

anyway.... met pengsong in town at like 4 plus??
we were searching for bdae prezzie lor..
we totally dunnoe what to get him man... if i had time.. i wud haf done something for u hunny..
but i wus overwhelmed with proj and stuffs..
ya.. so.. we went to far east.. and got this boxers.. (*ps: tt is not the main thing of e prezzie okie..)
i didnt like it la.. haha.. but pengsong say its ok.. so ok loR..
den pengsong suggested condoms..
quite norm la huh.. hahaz..
but since i cudn't come up with anything better.. and e salesgirl also suggested we put condoms in the pocket..
we bought tt bcaz of the pocket...
went to e condom shop... i chose the stuff there..
loLx.. but hey! i didnt choose them caz it wus condoms.. i choose them caz i liked e words or part of the words for some on da cover..
and the gummy swEet......
erm.. just treat it as desert darling..
loLx... i tot tt thing wus interesting..
and ya fav sweet is gummy ma!!

think he wus v surprised to see me and weina appearing.. lolx..
eh... purposely one hoR..
hope ya like wuteva we got u ..

i wanna wait till he's home.. but i am tired.. he'll prob be tired too when he's home..
so... i think i shall go to bed..

Ps: i no haf bdae prezziE!! i dun carE... u owe me hugs and kisses for as long as i live!! :P hehe ...

missing u..

haPpie cHildrEn's daY!!

2004-10-01T21:18:00.000+08:00

1st Oct... HappiE chilDren'S daY!!!!
wOoOoo.. been ages since i last celebrated children's day...
but shall remain young at heart!!
children always have e better part in life..
i miss e innocence i used to have..
e cute expressions when i dun understand something..
loLx.. e times when everyone wanna pinch my cheeks..
ahhh.. how nice to be a kiddo...

all this is making me feel old.. haha.. enuFF!!
didnt go to sch today....caz it wus tutorial..
there was no need to go unless u had something to ask..
i didnt la.. :P
slack e whole freaking day man...
kinda slpt half of it away... e other half was spent on proj and tokin to whoever is on msn..
come to think of it... its quite a boRing day...

he made me happy... simply by doing nothing..
hahaz.. wus chaTting with him.. somehow.. i felt lots n lots betta...
i think he's one of e few who can affect me so much lo...
anywayz.. his bdae is comin up soon..
hmmm.... *thinkinG* *still thinking* *thinking v hard*

tHis iS fOr U

2004-09-29T13:36:00.000+08:00

didn't off the com yest when i went to bed...
woke up this morn.. glue to e com oredi...
read blogs...
i read urs e first..
ask me y... i think its a natural reaction..
talkin to u this very moment..
i'm thinkin of u.. haf been thinkin of u...
m i 1 of e two mentioned? mabbe i m thinking too much?
if i m.. i reckon it'd be e one on e corner of ya mind..
i wanna be a malicious cancer cell...
i wanna infest ya mind..
e way u did to me..
its so weird.. i cant believe i haf this kinda feelings..
but i cant deny.. i cant help it..
whenever did this start...
its kinda unbelievable tt u r on my mind.. in my heart..
maybe its just me..
i feel u r so totally not over her at all..
while ur heart is still with her.. i m not gonna intrude..
u said before...
it takes one to forget another..
is tt e way u r gonna forget her?
or r u even gonna forget her??
i dun haf e courage to ask u..
or mabbe.. i dun even haf e right..
things kinda changed abit i guess...
i heard something.. maybe its just hearsay... it wasnt a big deal..
but it affected me... i wus shocked.. at how affected i wus..
i didnt expect myself to be tt affected...
i didnt realize i wus so into it..
i didnt realize it wus real feelings of mine tt were involved..
bcaz of tt.. i took a step back...
i wus unsure... of my own feelings..
am still unsure...
i feel like i haf expectations which i shud not have..
i guess its just me.....
nothing's even started at all...
i dun even noe if i want something to start...
i sound confused dun i?? i am.. very..
why??
i cant provide an ans... i dunnoe what's goin on in my mind..
its all me though... so u can just ignore me..
i dun rillie expect u to be bothered...

e weather is freakin good.. its drizzling... i feel like drizzlin too.. haha.. nah.. think i shall go to bed?? *tired**yawnx*

ps: mabbe its near e time of e month... caz i dunnoe y i am suddenly so emotional.. chiLL

hApPie bUrfDay tO mE!!

2004-09-29T02:52:00.000+08:00

haPpie bIrtHdaY tO miSs fAneLle LeE!!!!
yeahz.. birthday is kinda over le?? hahaz..
for like 3 hrs le.. got home an hour ago..
woke up in e morn to many meSsageS.. thanks to alll moi frienDs..
thanks for RememberinG n takin e eFfoRt..
didn't feel it's such a bigg deal this yr..
no ideA y.. i skiPped sch..
played gunbound at homE!! hahaz..
anyway.. i went out in da evening to prAy....
yep...moi birthday falls on autumn fest this yr!!!!
cOol eH.. i told moiself i hafta play with lanteRns..
goT moi wIsh..*winkS*

anyway aftEr praying went to meEt qian..
we were supposEd to go to millenia for pastA..
but when we reached there.. it wus closed le!!!
and before tt when we were walking to millenia...
we saw.....*drumroLl*
FIREWORKS!!!!!!!!!!!
wus it in my honoUr?? haha... how i wished man..
i haf no idea y there were fireworkS....
anyway i wus damn happie caz of e fireworkS...
den i received a msg... from weihonG..
e usual stUff... thankiEs brO..
but i wus hoping u wud call...
i wus waiting for his call e whole nigHt??
kinda disappointed la.. but nvm..
he promised he'll call when he's back in brisbane..
tt kinda foiled moi mood... caz i missed him..

qian gave me a toTal surPrise..
she got Sam theRe!!!!
and there wus a caKe... aWww...
soo swEet.. i wus touchEd man..
he wus e last guy i wud haf expected to sEe...
i wus expecting deborah who didnt turn up!!
hahaz... we went opp marina after stuffing ourselves with Long John and cake..
lantErns laNteRnS!!!!! u get e ideA..
but i wus wearing skiRt caz i totally didnt expect this..
how inappropriaTe...
u shud get e ideA here also... but lucky i had a jacket wiTh me to act as a blankEt...
haha...
somehoW although it wus onli 3 of uS...
it wus fun... n they made my dAY.........
i lurve u both man...

n now i am slpy..so i shall Zzz..

i lUrve yA!!!!!

2004-09-26T22:50:00.000+08:00

WEeee..........
just reached home..
haven even bathe... lolx..
woke up like supa earlie..8 am can.. and i slpt at 4 am.. -_-'
went tuition.. den went woodlands to study...
yes.. STUDY..haha.. me studyinG?? stop staring.. u got it righT..
anyway... first highlight of e day..
i saw this person whom i haven seen for years!!!!!!!!
he is moi god papa!! lolx..
so freakin happie to see him.. dunnoe y ..
but he is still so short.. OopX.. but CUTE!! hahaz..
he said i much prettier le!! *beams* thanks eh.. ha..

i wus on my way to weina's house when i saw him actualli..
go her house bbq.. supa long never go le..
her mommie miSs me!!!!!!!!
everyone must be wondering who i am caz its a family bbq...
but i noe quite a few of them la..
n i am friendly okiex.. so its ok...
i had HELLUVA FUN!!
damn... i have known this dumb crazy girl for like 9 years?? same time as weihong..
seriously.. the both of them r the two friends i have known da longest..
and e closest after sooooo long..
i blardy hell miss those days when we see each other everyday...
eat together everyday.. siGh..
those were e days baby..
for the 9 yrs we have known each other... today ish e first time ..
we roasted marshmallows together.. it wus sWEeeT okie..
the first time we drank and got tipsy together...
e first time we both lie on her couch one on top of e other and toked normally but laughed supa loudly together..
Lolx.. i think we look a sight man...
her relatives must have been staring...
but who caRes?! i Lurve hERrr!!!!
i think we bonded again tonight..
she's a sight lo.. i think she's really drunk.. haha..
hey daRling.. i know u r gonna be reaDing thiS..
rem to miSs me!!! n u r cuTe!
and NO.. i am not lesbian okie..

i have morn lesson tml.. aRgh.. dun wanna go manz..

off ta bEd...

crAshED?

2004-09-24T18:46:00.000+08:00

i feel like shit.. since last night.. started with my head splittin.. woke up feelin a tad betta.. can u believe i slpt from 9 last night till like 1 plus today before i crawled from bed..? i cant.. i think my body's finally.. been feeling like something's coming up for weeks.. haha.. i aint feelin any betta now.. headaches still there.. vomited twice.. shITty.. supposed to haf a pretty occupied day.. supposed to meet up with pple.. supposed to go for a bbq and star gazing.. i wanted to enjoy e sea breeze also.. all hopes flushed.. dashed.. aRGh... how timely.. i feel like shouting out to e sea.. e waves.. been like supa long since i did tt.. been supa long since i last felt many things.. last did many things.. i just checked my mail.. how irritating can it get when u read stuff like this..when u r in confusion?? Have you ever wondered which hurts the most? Saying something and wishing you hadn't? or Saying nothing and wishing you had? I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart... if you don't, you might break theirs. Have u ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person? Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't. You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own.... when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to. Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you? Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all. Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle? We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger. Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had. *What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye? *What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there? *What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? (even if it is that you don't care anymore) *What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them? Yeah.. i get e point tt emails like this are supposed to.. INSPIRE…. <br>forgive me but i felt worse after readin those stuFf.. how wud i noe what i wud do?? first… i cant bloddy hell predict da future.. second.. most of e mentioned stuff hadn't had a chance of happening to me.. wEll... i did ever decide not to be a couple for fear of losing what i had with tt guy.. i sometimes still wonder if i made a different decision back den.. wud things have been different now.. loL.. only wondered okie.. but overall i wus glad i made tt decision.. caz till date we are still e bestest of friends.. and he will owas remain a special guy in my heart.. owAs.. n.. owAs.. no matter what happens in future.. who noes we may just lose contact.. buT.. e lil cornEr in my heart is yours darLing.. e person who is worth my undying love hasnt appeared yet.. at least not to me.. or maybe he has appeared.. he just hasnt proved his worth.. and i dun ever wonder when my best friend will die for goD's saKE!! i wud like to know which freak does tt though.. i have not denied my feelings b4.. unless u count not tellin denying.. if u came right out and asked if i haf feelings for u .. i wus say yes if i had.. is life reAlly about risks?? onli certain kind of risks or all kinda risks?? are we really supposed to jump and take every risk in life?? If…..anyone could ans tt…. pls enlighten me… just saw e msg from sam askin me bout mi attendance to e bbq.. i can't hunny... i m sorry caz it seems as if i am always bailing out on u.. i wud have loved to go.. but if i went.. u wud prob have ta look after me.. n it'll spoil all ur fun.. so.. i owas seem to be sayin sorry to him.. i hope u enjoyed ya bbq~ god pls make me feel tonnes betta tml.. i need to get my ass out on e road to do my proj.. i realli need to stop feeling shiTty.. but i suspect it aint onli being ill tt's makin me feel like Shit.. y do i even allow other factoRs...> *puFf out chest* i shall make it a point to eliminate all other squishy squashy factorS.. stuFf tt wud make my day are welcome though.. *smirks* this is seriously 'inspired' by e email.. i shall take e chance to tell all my friends.. >*takes a deep deep breaTh*<br> I LURVE YOU GUYS!! YOU ARE ALL E LIL JEWELS TT BRIGHTEN UP MY LIFE.. THANKIES YA.. n i miss u pple every min.. those i meet often and those i dun meet often.. all da same.. u pple rock!! and if any of u at any point in life feel like u haf no friends... remember ME!!<br> tat's bout it.. lengthy post..

wOo hoO..

2004-09-23T18:34:00.000+08:00

yeahz! went ta black last nite...
with...*drumroll*...
wEInA!!! moi dEarie swEetiE!!
haha... crushed her with a big big hug e moment i c her...
yes..imagine two girls acting all idiotic hugging and screaming 'ahhhh soo long'!! lolX
i rillie miss her man..
had fun.. yupx.. there wus this cute guy.. but he wus shy.. lolx.. dancing beside lala..
anyway..main highlight wus her la..
nothing much actualli..

it wus news to me.. headlines of my life..
i knew things were too good to be true..
but i least expected to know this..
well.. at least now i haf woken up from da dream..
yes i haf woken n i shall stop being e foolish gal... :)
wus high.. but plunged down.. surprisingly though.. it wus onli for a short while..
somehow it doesnt haf a LONG effect on me..
guess its good heh..

i wus supposed to haf lotsa time to spare yest...
caz i wus meetin lala at 11..
suppose to meet up with sam for a movie..
i wus looking forward to it ..serIous!!
but dumbo me had to forget to bring identification...
no IC how to get inta black!?
so i had to go home and take it..
had time to meet up for dinner or something one..
but he told me to rest at home.. heh..
sweetZ eh?? *huGx*... sorrie sweEtie..
he said e show 'The Terminal' reminded him of me...
dAmn.. e reasoN?? caz i owas put him on a plane.. haha!
it wasnt on purpoSE!!
but i said sorrie.. lots of it to him oredi.. hee..

damn tired today.. headache..
came home at 3?? slpt till 5 plus.. aint feeling any better..
tuition kiddo called and told me she cant make it.. YEAHZ!!
haha.. in no condition to teach eh..

chiLl man..

uP n WeLL agAIn~

2004-09-22T01:47:00.000+08:00

i declare myself FULLY RECOVERED!!
heh...
to all sweeties who tagged...thanks fer all ya suggestions..i'll keep tt in mind..
but bird.. i doubt bout the cookie tins.. she hates me to bring food into the room..
haha.. yeahz.. thanks for e quaint ideas.. *muacks* lurve u guys..

been a few daes since i blogged...
caz i simply dun feel like blogging.. haha..
but i guess Sam rubbed some of his enthusiasm off me..
toking to him right now actuallie..
playin ten questions..
i am seriously exhausted.. haha..
but its quite fun..
maybe caz i wus real tired today..
but somehow i feel tt my tuition kid ish stupid today..
i have to explain everything more than 3 times before she understands..
i really vomit blood can..
haha..
her exam is on 27 n 29.. so coincidental right..
its officially one week before e great day..
weihong ish coming back... FINALLY!!!!
lolx.. how i wishi can see him like now.. haiz..

yeah.. anyway.. i m real slpy i am not gonna type anymore.. shall be here again tml

FUCK off or GROW UP!!

2004-09-18T22:51:00.000+08:00

wuts e prob with having a messy table in a less than tidy room?!?!?!
wuts e prob of u freaking over something tt is not yours??
i admit...my room totally doesnt look like a girl's room...
yeahz...
its untidy... bcaz i dump my things on my table..
or make tt all over the room...
HEY...its not like i dun pack my room u noe...
i fucking hell do it...but it gets messy like after a week??
n its freakin tiring to repeat e process all over again...
when u noe its DEFINITELY gonna be messy again..
being e neat n clean freak u r... i haf tried my best to hide e mess from sight..
you KNOW it... but NO! u hafta make it a point to walk right into the mess n lay your hands on my stuff..

and i freaking hell HATE it when u do tt... i make a big o fuss by shouting screaming... u name it.. i've done it..
i am starting to wonder if u haf a brain.. caz nothing i say gets into your head...
i am fine if u just pack my stuff.. but u are using packing as an EXCUSE for SNOOPING ard my stuff.....
i seriously dunno if its a good or bad thing i caught u in action...

what is it u dun haf in me?? trusT?? confidence?? am i realli tt dumb in ya brain?or do i look like some ass who gets into trouble as a hobby?
dun deny tt u were snooping..
u knew those were letters..they were in envelopes....n tt is a diary u were reading..do i haf to mention totally engrossed in..ur defense of ' just flippin' is WEAK..not to mention lame..even if it didnt look like a diary.. one pg and after tt if u didnt noe.. u r DENSE..
dun give me the 'i am your mom so i have e right to be worried and wanna noe' prep talk.. SO WHAT if u r mommie? fuck off u noe.. u totally dont haf e right...if i have a big prob.. i'll tell u.. i AM entitled to my own space u noe... i know i keep lotsa things to myself.. but tts because there is NO need for u to noe!!
u r worse than a freaking obsessive boyfriend n e WORSE thing is tt i canT ditch u...
i am stuck with u for e rest of my life....

sometimes i really feel like i m in a god damn cage... n i am living e life tt other pple want me to...
i have half e mind to go for some huge makeover n be the social reject..
at least they dun give a damn bout livin up to expectations.... or do they hafta make sure pple shun them n feel disgusted with them just bcaz they r supposed to be rejects?
y couldnt god have been selfish and gave us onli one emotion?? happy and tt's it? he had to go give us a whole variety...
n now i am feeling screwed..pissed..hurt..wuteva..

mom.. i wish u could see this.. but if u knew this thing existed..
i know it wud be hell for me..
y do adults NOT realise they r in the fault??
y do they NOT realise tt not everything they do benefits us?
y do they NOT give us 100% trust and freedom when we r god damn grown-ups?
and y r there so mani nots...

call me stubborn..but i am still not going to make it a point to tidy my shack...
i fact i might just make it messier..
tt is to spite u .. even when i know it is childish..
but HEY.. what u did wus damn right something a baby will do..
even a child wud noe it is wrong to go ard touching things tt dun belong to u!!

i am done with ranting.. and it actualli makes me feel better... thanks blogGer..
how e hell am i going to fall asleep man..
i m still fuming inside..
though gone is the need to lash out at any living thing..
i seriously need a hug.. n a good cry.. n maybe...just maybe...a new life wud be good...

aRgh... this kinda things hasn't happened for a long time.. n i tot they were gonna be onli things of the past...
i seriously still cant believe she actualli could sit there at my table n read my letters n diary n stuff..
just wuts wrong with her man...

media is eViL!!

2004-09-16T18:30:00.000+08:00

i just reached home... literally.. came online immediately caz weina msg me tt she just updated her blog..
i miss her so much...
woke up with a damn good mood today....
i actualli woke up with a smile(he came to mind first thing in e morn) n i gave mommy a hug...haha..
so needless to say i wus bubbly n cheerful for the whole day...
hope he feels betta n aint coughin so much..
went to class.. n for e whole 2 hours it wus an endless debate which onli 4 pple including e lecturer participated in..e rest were passive audience listening..
i wus one of e participant..heh..anyway i tot it wus fun but tiring though.. what e lecturer said wus soo mind boggling!!
e topic goes....

e great growth in mkt demand for music in e last decade has come more obvious from e media than from e consumer

we had different views each...so tt makes four different views.. so...imagine e 'discussions' we had.. lolx..
den after tt went for lunch... at mac.. -_- .. seriously.. i m sick of mac.. haha.. so now i am against it.. in e end i didnt eat anything..
after tt went to do proj at woodlands library...
fruitful session..
caz there was no distractions there n we were in reference section...
which means no talking..

misses him...
but i cudnt be bothered...
i shudnt get too involved in this...
was reminded time n again...
i dunna wanna be torn apart...
HELL NO!<br>
saw this on weina's blog.. haha.. is this great minds think alike...
or fools dun differ??
gurl.. we do haf things in common even though we seldom see each other now.. haha..bet u miss me..
i got moi tuition pay todayz.... feeling $120 richer.. haha...
wOooo..... i wish this mood will stay for a long long time..
caz i like feelin happie.. haha.. nothing will piss me..
even when moi proj mate acts bitchy and all slutty on me...
she must be damn surprised i actualli bothered with her today..

aunt's home... shall go bug her now.. heh

sWeet sweEt!!

2004-09-15T22:01:00.000+08:00

rites... wus out with qian yest..
caz she complained she wus bored at home..
met her after sch in da evening and we were just toking?
den we were whinin and stuff..
and she actualli told me she wanna look for bf!
haha.. i told her i wanna do tt too... great minds think alike eh?? i think its not more of lookin for a bf.. more of wanting to feel loved n fallin in love..
whatever... weird feelings anyway...

today... i woke up at a freakin 5 am..
haha...y?? partly bcaz i couldnt fall aslp... partly bcaz i prepared some drink..
actualli i wanted to go down to his sch after moi lessons...caz his lessons start at 1.. i tot i will end at 12...
but........ i ended supa earlie and by 11 plus i wus homE?
but luckily i didnt go down.. caz he didnt even go to sch!!
lolx... i wus like.. luckily i didnt make a wasted trip..lolx.. but i didnt tell him tt wus moi intention le..
anyway i met up with him also.. so he got the drink.. but i dunno if its nice.. haha..
i hope it is...when i prepared it i wus quite slpy if i recall correctly.. lolX!

yeahz.. we caught cinderella story...
its so freaKin sWeeT!!! but its reallie a fairy tale.. lolx..
but watching with him ish rillie different? i bet if i watched it with qian it wud have been a totally different feeling...
*shrUgx* perhaps its wuts in my heart tt matters... god knows man..
he sent me to tuition.. n moi tuition kid tot he wus my bf!!! haha.. i didn't say no...i didnt say yes.. i just keep quiet.. lolx..
i told her dun KPO n do her work.. so evil eh..
anyway... i think e tuition mommy must love me.. or its bcaz i didnt go for a week...she actualli suggested three times a week!!
so she says if tml i can make it.... i shud go... she's cute lo..she tot i wus caught in the rain or something.. so she made this drink tt wus supposed to prevent me from getting sick..
so swEet rite!! i wus so touched can...

i miss him... realli miss him kinda miss.. not miss for fun kinda miss..n i dun like it.. haha.. dunch noee.. i think i shouldnt.... rite?? tt wus self tot... no one has to answer..

its prelims period for peeps in sch... jiayou and work hard yea guys... i'll root for u spritually or mentally.. go all out yea~

smOoth daY..thank gOd

2004-09-12T00:40:00.000+08:00

woke up at 8.30 in e morn caz mom woke me up and demanded tt i dye her roots for her..
which according to her was very white n needed color..
interesting converstion while doin the job for her..
i told her at e rate she dyes her hair..if she goes to a saloon everytime.. she'll be a pauper..
i dun understand y she has to dye everytime 1cm of white hair appears..
she has this idea tt aunties her age are supposed to have short hair..den they can dun do anything about it.. caz they are aunties..
but if they have long hair.. den they are not aunties but middle aged women n they haf an image to upkeep..they are supposed to be stylish.. if u haf long hair at her age and allow 1cm of white hair on ya head... u r a walking disaster...
i obviously dun agree with her n although on one hand i am glad my mom isnt allowing herself to turn into 'aunties'...
on the other i wish she wud inform me beforehand when she needs help with her hair...
apparently i wus grouchy from being aroused by a much needed sleep...so i think i wus quite rough.. n she complained tt i wus taking revenge...
translated to english...
mom:take revenge also no need like that one..
me: what?? pain ah?
mom:no lah...free one cannot complain..wait u pull my hair out..
me:sorrie la... i not awake yet ma..

heLlo!! ok...sorry if i wus too rough.. but i wus half aslp!! and i am becuming her part time root repair hair dyer?? if such a title ever exist.. lolx..
seriouslY.. i think i do a betta job den certain saloons.. so proud of myself..
anyway.. i went back to bed n dragged myself up again at 11.30 when proj mate called..
wus supposed to be at her house to do proj...

her: hiiiiiiii! are u slping?
me: erm.. ya.. but i woke up already( in my 'i am slping idiot" voice) *2nd time in a morn someone woke me up from my slp...*
her:oh.. i am so sorrie..did i wake u up? are u free to talk?(obviously she doesnt get e hint from my tone tt i want her to hang up)

i dunnoe... but i am seriously pissed with her.. or rather annoyed...
bcaz i am starting to regret doin the proj with her...
true colors show...
i totally agree with tt..
there've been a number of things tt happened tt made me look and her and "eWw" goes off in my mind...

first...she treats guys who likes her like shit n makes use of them.. not one guy mind u .. but a few.. and all of whom she has misleaded to think tt they exist in her heart as boyfriends..
i think she's a total bitch for tt.. she talks as if ditching guys who like her is e main reason she's on earth ...
arGhh...
second.. she is lOud in a childish,gawky, totally irritating way tt makes me wanna tell her to shuddap for god's sake...
third..she has this habit of asking pple if they'll miss her.. n i just noticed tt its 99.9% guys...

maybe its just me caz i totally dun behave this way and totally dun agree with this kinda behaviour..oh goD.. i can't believe such girls are not extinct...
i m being a total bitch..
on the other hand when she's quiet she's quite normal.. haha..
'nuff bout her...

i started reading this book titled 30 days guide to believing in jesus...
interesting.... from my experience of reading 2 pages of the bible..
i haf this perception tt christianity is all about worshipping jesus.. he is e creator and he is world greatest god?
but reading the book today changed my perception a lil...
at least it doesnt put me off...
gonna continue reading e whole book...

i wus plonked in front of the tv from 7 pm onwards.. flipplin between chann U, chann 8 and chann 5.. there wus e idol show on chann U, awards show on chann 8 n spore idol on chann 5... n all three shows were quite entertaining...
but e reason i brought this up wus bcaz i wus totally hurt today...
by none other than my mom...
apparently i wus watching the show and screaming when i see lee hom.. criticising when i think e pple on chann U sucked and stuFf...

olinda wus singing...
me:she has a nice voice man.. but she's not sexy enuff for this song
bro:mommy... this song is sung by a guy right??
me:if u close your eyes and listen...it's heaven.. her image doesnt fit leh..
mom:at least she can sing.. ask u go ..everyone will change chann..
bro: ya la... u r fatter than her lohx...
OUCH!!! double attack from mom and bro.. totally hit my ego.. me being too sensitive?? maybe...
i have decided not to think too much into it..
anyway i laughed it off...

i wus doing lots of blog reading n linking to other pple's blog thru friend's blogs and stuff... guess what?!
i came upon tricia seow's blog!! YES... e very tricia seow..ex DM of JJC..nice n pretty teacher well liked by JJ students... haha ..
http://www.livejournal.com/users/triciaseow/
tt's her link there... i had fun reading it.. esp entries about her children... they r lil angels.. or devils?? lolX..

out and over

moOdy to haPpie

2004-09-06T22:43:00.000+08:00

i guess i woke up from the wrong side of bed today....
i wus freaking moody?? or shud i say quiet??
its the first time my classmates see me so quiet i guess....
hahaz...but i cheered up abit when shawn walked into class a hour n 20 mins late..
i wus practically smiling to moiself!!! lolX...
infatuation....cant stand myself...
aftersch wus waiting for e mrt when qian msg me...
just at e right time caz i seriously dun feel like goin home..
went to town to meet her and debb...
cheered me up man... they nv fail to brighten my day...
bought a skirt n tube top....
spent again!!
shoppin therapy works...sooo much for me...
haha... excuse excuse...but i felt alot betta after buyin stuff... yahz..

n at nite when i reached home...
weihong called me.... immediately happiE!!!!
suddenly no more moody le loh...its just soo nice to hear from him...
we talked for an hour accordin to him...lol..
just casual chat...but.. i just feel tonnes betta... n he doesnt know i am moody??
so he didnt try to cheer me up...but he doesnt even hafta try... i'll just cheer up with him... lolx...
i dunnoe... he's one impt person in my life man... next time i m moody i shud call himn for therapy...wahahz..

anyway... i m clubbin tml... debb n qian wus surprised when they heard tt... haha.. caz i dun club at all...
yeah well... but gettin into mass comm i believe will be a serious turnin point in my life...
but i'll still be me... so no worries there..
tml will be e seventeen birthday bash... n its like a media party?? lotsa pple from e industry...so i'll go n make friends..mayb some of them will be my future employers..
spore is small...who knows rite??
quite lookin forward to it actualli...hehehe...

-.0

i wus thinking tt i wun go online tt often oredi... mayb twice aweek or so??
definitely not every nite...
yeahz... caz i feel i can do more constructive stuff with my time..
gotta wake earlie tml for tuition... so i'll haf an earlie nite.. shall slp after i catch extreme makeover.. i think i need one.. lol..

today i listened to debb and qian...
they were telling me about their friends who have depression problems and stuff??
seriously...it scared me.. but at e same time it set me thinking... i think it got me a lil emotional also??
i realized its really impt to vent out frustrations n stuff no matter how trivial e matter may seem ya noe....
so.............

i just wanna tell all of u..... most of us are still getting used to our new surroundings...our new workloads...our new schedules...our new friends...we gotta do e social networking...we gotta catch up with sch work... we gotta do this..we gotta do tt... all of us will find tt time is nvr enuff... but maybe tt's y time is soo precious ya noe... n for some of us... there are exams right ahead of us... all this aint easy... seriously.. i wus really in a bad mood n stressed fer the past week...tt.s when i realized tt so many pple actualli care.. den i tot..if i m able to handle all this shit... it just proves how capable i am.. n life is nvr easy... so i m gonna brace up n make it through... darlings out there who are strugglin with exams and stuff... hey... u guys are gonna make it.. be positive n ya mind will work towards it... for those still handling with too much stuff on hand but nvr enuff time... all i can say is... we can nvr satisfy every aspect of our lives... sometimes we neglect certain things...so we'll just hafta lrn to prioritise... i dun haf wise words or stuff here... but i wus wanna tell u guys... there'll owas be pple ard u who will be there to give u support...so nvr give up.. nvr feel like u r less worthy than others.. bcaz we all haf our strong points..so let's live life to our best n not let ourselves down!!! *huGx*

tIme iS neVa enuFf

2004-09-04T21:10:00.000+08:00

wus supposed to be out today...
but in e end my proj mate called n asked if i wanna do proj..
how am i supposed to say no??
so i went to her house...
guess whatz???
seriously... it wasnt as easy as we tot it wus...
afterall its our first time??
it wus tough putting tots into words..words into presentable versions...n for e whole day... we barely did 1/4 of the whole thing...
not exactly good news yeah....
so she said we'll continue tml... but i am supposed to catch a movie with sam tml!! i promised soo long ago...
den now hoW???
haix...actualli ans quite obvious... proj obviously come first..rite?
guess i'll hafta tell him i cant make it.... damn...
how to tell him!!
will he understand?? hope he does..

i quite like e way my blog is like now.... so i'll let it stay this way until i have a change of mood...
nothing much to say....
pple feel hot and bothered... i dun.. i just feel bothered..haha..
aWw.. i m a serious nut case.. i need a hug!!!!!

my classmate called me today... she went out with another coursemate!!! lolX..
my first reaction wus.. what!! so fast??
ooPx.. but still... we have known each other for onli 3 weeks?? started speakin to one another onli last week??
e guy is 24 which prob explains y so fast...
older guys act fasteR?? haha!!
ok... i soo envy her..haha.. ok la..not really.. ;X
she went for e date...and guess what?? e guy had flowers and chocs for her!! on e first date.. and it was just a casual date!!
how come guys i noe dun behave like this?! lolx...
but i wudnt noe how to react if a guy treats me this way... she wus totally shocked also..
so gentleman rite.. n when they were in e theatre he asked her is she wus cold.. and offered to hold her hand..
ok.. mayb he just wanted to hold her hand..
but the way he does it...makes him totful not lustful..lolx..
my friend wus totally caught up with him after one date..just one date.. omg.. cant believe it.. n she has a bf.. but she has no feelings for him oredi.. e guy just doesnt wanna let go..
ComplIcated STuff
i am soo gonna enjoy teasin her comes monday.. lookin forwArd...
its e onli thing tt brightened my day...
knowing pple i care for are happie makes me happie too...
hehx... a month more or so before tt stupid piggy weihong comes home.... i miss him soooooo much... hey..are u missing me too?? u betta ahz.. lolx..

sayonaRa~

wut doEs love feEl likE?

2004-09-03T23:25:00.000+08:00

call me dumb...call me a moron...
watever...
i actually watched meteorgarden all over again...
yeS...from 1st to last episode...
and Yes...i cried all over again...
haha..its nice ok....n certain scenes r so touching..
haix.. watchin this kinda dramas owas make me wonder when will mine turn up..

anyway today i wus super friendly in class..
i went up to this guy... no..
actualli i shouted to him across the classroom 'hello'
caz i dunnoe his name... he joined us during the fourth lesson??
n no one noes him... so he's always alone..
i tot i shud do a good deed ma... so i started to intro myself..
den e rest followed suit..
he actualli had lunch with us?? and after tt hung out with us fer awhile??
i think i am different... last time u wudnt catch me talkin to someone i have known for onli half an hour like i have known him so long...

n also when i wus in the lift with my friends after class..
this guy from another class doing his professional cert course actualli asked me which class i am from..
told him i wus from advanced dip.. n i actualli shook hands with him n talked...
just casual chat?? he's jeff.. 22 this yr.. lol..finished ns...in a matter of mins we managed to talk tt much n i managed to find out this much...
is communication awesome or issit just me??

i wus thinking through what my mom said??
bout me changing and stuff??
to a certain extent i guess ya....
i have becom more open-minded..
there are alot of things tt i will make a big deal of last time??
smoking is nothing actualli... e whole world does it...
and passive smokers actualli die earlier??
where's e logic in this?? we r good citizens..we die first..
heroes always die first??
y issit improper for girls to be open??
life is onli so short...just say wut u want..do what u want..

i think mom n dad aren't ready to let go of me..
to them i m still e little girl they know...
the one protected by them...
the one who doesnt know what e real world is like out there...
i think i am finally growing up...

bought a fcuk shirt today... haha.. i like it caz of e words onli actualli...
it says 'nice and sleazy' right across e front...
cute eh?? at least i tot so...

today's lesson wus peaceful...mayb caz it wus e bdae of one of them..
this girl called jasmine whom i think is still quite tolerable..
i wished her happie bdae...
its her bdae rite?? so i shall be nice...
we actualli wore e same skirt!!! Omg...
when she walked in i wus like...*openmouthed*
i never tot something like tt will happen to me?!
worse wus we were both wearing tees with it...
haha.... if we walked together we wud look like best friends...
so i steered clear... n i wus sitting e whole time anyway...
i guess no one reallie noticed.. or no one bothered to comment..

i actually miss someone i never tot i'll miss today...
e feeling is so weird...
i dunno what it is at all....
do i like him?? i told myself no... it'll nv be possible..
but lately it seems to nag at me constantly....
i dun even wanna think man...

sleepy...shall bonk out..

pIsSeD oFf

2004-09-01T21:03:00.000+08:00

i am totally piSsed
by this freaking idiot in my claSs
e story is freaking long
i repeated e story a few times
i even saved it on words
haha...dumb rite..
but it allows me to tell everyone what an
ASSHOLE he is
thanks to those who actually listened to moi complaints..
i lurve u guys..
changed my blog...
actualli.. i found e previous one quite messy..
wanted to keep it simple..
but i still dunnoe what to do with it yet..
so...
i'll figure it out when i haf e mood..
today...i'll just remove everything...
i dunno if its e time of e month....
or that i simply dun bother anymore
mom says i am getting more non-chalent..
say what u may i dun care kinda attitude..
reaLlie???
i feel stifled...
i dunnoe why...
i feel like i really enjoy what i am doing...
but my life has become busy....
and i dun get to spend much time with mom n dad
its bad.....
but i cant help it!!
when i feel like i am leading my own life..
i neglect my family...
*shrUgx*
i'll figurE it out too i guEss....
i need to think...
to ponder...
to reflect....

scrEw this whoLe thinG....
i hate being moody....
caz i dun recognise myself...
anyway...

on a lighter note... today moi tuition kid's mommy say...
she thinks i am quite good..
so she wanna let me teach e son as well...
pri 5.... buT..
he can onli make it in da morn...
i caN't!!
tOo bAd....

*ImpOssIbLe iS nOt a deClaRatIoN. It'S a dArE*